Say What You Need To Say
by A x Stupid x Lamb
Summary: Harry returns for his 6th year. After a talk with the 'bat of the dungeons' he finds he will restart his Occlumency lessons with his former Potions professor. Some truths are said and Harry has resolved to sort things out with both Snape and Dumbledore. Not Slash. Probably classed as a "mentor" fic. Give it a go guys :D First fic after over a year out of action.
1. Chapter 1

_**AN:**_

_**Hey guys so... i'm back! *ducks behind all the damn things being thrown my way* Yeah i'm sorry! Let's just say I had to deal with some really bad stuff, I ended in hospital and then I moved countries for a little while and finished College! (Junior and Senior for all you Americans out there :D) But i'm back and i'm getting into writing again! Please guys if you want more Rate and Review :) Advice is of course welcome, flames will be used to keep my fire warm as there's a storm going on outside right now!**_

_**Regarding the story:**_

_**This is AU as the Sectumsempra incident has already occurred (in the book this happens around May time. In my story it's only November) I am however trying to keep the rest of the story in the correct order it should be! **_

_**Snape I guess is a little more... weary, and a bit nicer in my story then I guess he would be 'irl'. **_

_**Chapter 1**_

Sixth year was just getting under way for Harry. He was sat in the great hall during lunch on a Tuesday afternoon, he'd finished long ago and looked at everyone else. They were silent… everyone in a similar state to him. The darkness pressing their hopes down too. Everyone could tell Voldemort's presence was growing and it scared them. No one talked beyond what they needed to, no one shared secrets anymore. No one dared to, anyone could be an enemy.

Another thing weighed on Harry's mind… Snape. The memory he saw in the pensieve last year had shaken him. His father was cruel to Snape and it was hard to see the man in the same way. He pitied Snape. Harry wanted to know more. He saw one little glimpse, without context, he needed to know WHY his father had bullied Snape. I mean sure the man hated Harry with a passion and tried to make his life a living hell, but even Harry could see that all he saw in Harry was a certain James Potter. He also noticed a certain fact: he never said anything bad about his mother. He must have known her. The irony was, maybe if the two actually talked about it, maybe Harry and Snape could come to an understanding instead of passing snide remarks to each other in the halls or in the classroom. Frankly Harry was tired of it, he has enough to deal with, without Snape on his back all the time.

Dumbledore also was keeping things from Harry… he knew. Two of his 'lessons' with him had gone by, delving into the past of Tom Riddle. He could however tell something was wrong with the Headmaster. What was the point in lying to him, he could help, he was useless uninformed! Dumbledore didn't need to fear telling Harry the information he was clearly keeping from him. He would regret it if this information could prevent a serious problem from arising. Not only that but it irritated Harry to no end. He knew the headmaster only did it out of protection, but that protection could potentially get him killed if he didn't know a vital piece of information.

He needed to get through to both of them…but in the middle of the great hall with everyone here… how could that be possible.

Finally after a sigh he got up, turned and walked to the Slytherin table. Right along until the blond hair of Draco met him. Tentatively he patted him on the shoulder. He had noticed that Draco was fighting with some internal daemons this year, he didn't pretend he was blind to it. Draco was scared this year… he barely even bothered to insult Harry anymore. The boy was, it appeared, lost. Draco soon arrogantly brushed Harry's hand of his shoulder soon after it landed. Harry just merely let his hands return to his side. He then bent to whisper in Draco's ear.

"Whatever you're going through this year, Malfoy. Don't go through it alone"

Then Harry hurried his way to the defence against the dark arts corridor, his next lesson, before Draco had a chance to reply.

He arrived a little early and decided to get his things out ready. Students trickled in and soon he was sat next to Ron and Hermione. He smiled at them in greeting and they beamed back at him, Ron patting him on the shoulder.

"What were you doing talking to Draco about?" Harry was about to reply but the infamous Severus Snape entered. He naturally stayed silent. Snape walked to the front of the classroom.

"It's time for more non-verbal spells. Pair up, you know what to do." He then proceeded to sit at the desk, conjuring papers out of nowhere which he started marking. The class got up and then pushed the tables aside. Ron paired with Harry.

"You go first mate" Ron grinned. Harry prepared himself, focusing on what spell he wanted to use, a simple disarming spell.

"Right, focus Ron, yeah? See yourself blocking the spell, think the words of the spell" Feeling the spell grow in him he let it go in Ron's direction, it fired and hit! Ron's wand would have flown across the room but Ron successfully blocked it. Non verbally too.

Ron looked shocked.

"Well done mate!" Harry announced, Ron had found it hard to do non verbals before, his spells either failed or were too weak to do anything.

"Bloody hell! How'd I do that?" He stared at his wand, as if looking to see if something had changed.

"That Mister Weasley would be because of you current state of mind. You are, for lack of a better word, focused. What you needed to be the whole time. Spells will never work said half-heartedly." Snape had this tendency to appear at the most awkward of moments. Harry expected it and didn't flinch, Ron however, quite a different story. Yet at hearing what the 'greasy git' had said he stared at Harry again, a smile again splitting his face.

"I can't believe it!"

Ron pulled him in for a 'bro' hug then said, his face appearing serious.

"Let's do it again!" Harry laughed, not caring that Snape was nearby.

So that's how the entire lesson continued. Ron switched partners halfway, letting Hermione be partners with Harry. The bell rung, signalling the final lesson. People began to grab their bags and head out. Harry however was stopped by a voice sounding from the desk.

"One moment Mister Potter, I need a word" He turned to Snape, who else would it have been, and went to stand in front of the desk. People left and Ron and Hermione gave Harry the typical "we'll wait for you outside" look. Once everyone left, the Professor put his quill down, pick up his wand, swishing it, causing the desks to return to normal. He then gestured to the desk infront of his own teachers desk.

"Sit Mister Potter" Harry obeyed, questioning in his eyes.

"Now, I have been wondering of late if you have some sort of fascination for me, you keep staring at me, I assure you Mister Potter, I can find you something else to stare at," he began.

"Sorry sir, I was just thinking about last year, apologies. Occlumency, the Memory…" Harry trailed off. He couldn't be bothered to lie to the man. He always ended up figuring it out anyway…

"Indeed… what business you have in my personal life I'll never know, but you have a way of… being where you should not," he sneered. Harry tried to speak but was stopped by the Professor.

"You saw a memory of mine you should not have and now you suddenly think you know all about me. Sadly that, even the boy who lived, can't accomplish. Did you ever think, maybe there are things you CAN'T know? It would endanger your precious life to do so. " Harry couldn't hold his mouth any longer.

"I'm sorry okay! Really I am. Yes I saw a memory I should not have. I apologise for what I did but…" he paused and when he spoke again it was barely a whisper.

"That memory affected me too, as much as it did you at the time. I never knew my father and there he was, alive, with friends, and… bullying. That's what it was Professor. Sheer bullying. What he did was wrong but he's still my father. He made mistakes, like everyone. You hate me because you hate him. He hurt you, I understand Sir, I do. Yet please, no more. I can't stand it. My father was human, like you, like me. I'm not perfect either. My hair never stays in place, I'm too emotional to master Occlumency, I suck at potions and death follows me wherever I go. I'm not the boy who lived Sir, I'm the boy who got lucky. I'm the boy who was loved. My mother… you never speak badly of her. I won't ask you to say why; I know you must have known her. Everyone says I have her eyes and her compassion. You called her a mudblood… a mistake. You regretted it ever since." A single tear ran down Harry's cheek which he quickly wiped on his cloak sleeve.

"That's enough potter." The voice wasn't harsh; it was merely requesting he stopped before he lost it completely. Suddenly a box of tissues appeared on the desk and Harry gratefully took one. A silence engulfed the two for what seemed an age.

"Your mother…" The Professor stopped, and then tried again, "She was an exceptional witch Potter, know that. That's all I'm willing to tell you on that subject. I also accept your apology regarding the memory. Yet let me correct something. I do not hate you. You disappoint me sometimes. You have the potential to be an extraordinary wizard yet you hold yourself back. If every person let their blood boil at the mere mention of their father we'd be in world war 3 right now. Your father was cruel to me as you said, yes, yet what you saw was but one memory of a whole plethora I could show you. You father took an immediate dislike to me, and I to him. Let's just leave it at that. You remind me of him, you are much like him."

"I would never hang you upside down and remove your clothing" Harry retorted, "I am James Potter's son, not James Potter himself." He muttered.

"You speak the truth Potter, but you have to go to your next lesson, here take this it's a note saying you were needed to stay behind, give it to McGonagall, she'll wonder why you're late" He dropped a folded piece of paper on the desk, which Harry grabbed and raised to a standing position.

"Thank you" he muttered, rushing out of the room. He hurried down the corridor turned the corner and just stopped. He fell against the wall and sunk down, hands over his face. It was then he cried into his cloak, mourning the loss of his parents all those years ago and the fact he'd gotten back to decent terms with the former potions master. He's finally said what he needed to say to Severus Snape.

5 minutes later he pulled himself together, sniffling, and stood up, heading towards Transfiguration on shaky feet. He entered the classroom, walked to Professor McGonagall, handing the note wordlessly. He sat next to the space Ron had left, who was gazing at him curiously. He didn't acknowledge him. He just needed time to himself. The lesson ended and they were dismissed. He travelled next to Ron and Hermione to the Gryffindor common room. They were free until dinner. Once in the common room Harry pulled out his DADA textbook and looked over it:

_**Dementors and how to overcome them**_

_When learning about dementors it is important to understand what they are. A dementor is…_

Harry slammed the book shut… he knew more about dementors than this textbook could ever mention. He took out his potions book, his proper one, not the half-blood prince's one. Ever since Snape found him after attacking Malfoy, he refused to use the book anymore and he'd been once again struggling in potions. He turned to the page on Felix Felicis and read it. The ingredients were strange in name and he couldn't remember what they looked like. He tried to think about what he had had on his desk when trying to make it. _That purple round thing… what was that?_ He mused to himself. He remembered how he'd failed the potion; it went a sickly green colour, not the typical golden colour. Where had he gone wrong? He sighed. If Voldemort didn't kill him NEWTs would! He couldn't fail potions if he wanted to be an Auror, and he couldn't ask Slughorn for help… that would be embarrassing and the old man didn't have the time. Maybe Snape…

Harry sighed.

"Damn it" he muttered as he got up and travelled out of the common room and down down down to the dungeons. He stood outside the Professor's office, which was still near the potions lab and knocked.

"Enter," came the brisk answer. Harry took a deep breath and pushed open the door, stepped inside and shut the door again.

"Good afternoon Professor." He meekly said.

"Potter… you for once have no detention, what do you require?" Snape asked. Who was standing in the corner of the room, brewing a potion.

"I… I was wondering if you could help me" He stuttered. This caused Snape to face him properly, an eyebrow raised.

"With what may I ask" He enquired, not giving away his emotions.

"Potions." This made the Professor completely stop what he was doing, leaving the potion boiling, walk over to Harry and look down at him.

"and why would you need help in Potions? You according to Slughorn have been doing well these past 2 months" He smirked, knowing Harry's secret.

"I...I'm finding it hard. I tried to make Felix Felicis the other day and it went green, not gold" He muttered.

"You left it brewing for too long before stirring" Snape replied coolly, answering Harry's earlier question as to why he'd fail this potion.

"ahh, I see" was all Harry could say in reply. He began fidgeting with the sleeves of his robe.

"It's just sir, I… I want to be an Auror when I leave here and I can't do that if I fail potions and right now I just look at Advanced Potion Making and could swear it's in another language. Slughorn is too busy to bother with me and well, to be honest it's embarrassing to go to him after he thinks so highly of me and… please. Help me." Harry muttered. Snape was silent for a second, gazing at him.

"I can assure you Mister Potter Advanced Potion Making is written in perfect English, although in debatable detail." He remarked. "However it has come to my attention of late that you're under an enormous amount of pressure. The Dark Lord moves every day, not many people could deal with that and also keep up straight O's in their NEWTs. With me you were achieving roughly a P grade, with elements of Exceeds Expectations. This would be almost a pass at NEWT level. An auror needs at least an E to be considered. You are not as far off as you may think. The trick is passing the exam. For the exam you will be required to identify 3 potions laid before you, make a given potion and a written exam explaining the uses, benefits and drawbacks of a given potion. Get the exam out of the way Potter, pass it, deal with the dark lord, and THEN worry about being an auror. One step at a time." With that he swiftly turned back to his potion and with a flick of his wand the contents vanished. He then sat at his desk, inviting Harry to sit in front of it in the chair there. Harry did so slowly.

"I'm always kept out of the loop regarding what you know who is up to. I just get told when I have to be told. Just take my fifth year. I was kept at the Dursley's, no contact with anyone. In that hell hole for most of the summer. Then dementors attack, I save myself and my cousin. I get home and I get told I'm being expelled. Yet again I'm kept in the dark about what is going on until I am somehow not being expelled and I'm to stay inside and will be collected in a few days time. Only then do I find out what everyone has been up to, reforming the order of the phoenix. I was only told because I had messed up the plan by casting a patronus to save my own soul and the soul of my cousin. I screwed up the plan and so I had to be taken away from the Dusley's early and informed of what was going on. It's me he's after, me, I should know what's going on. Everyone just keeps me in the dark all the time and never says to me what they really want and need to. I find out everything when it's too late or it's become too dangerous." With that Harry got up from the seat, turnt and headed for the door, only to find the door locked.

"Alohamora" He muttered, but the door wouldn't budge still. He wizzed back to the Professor who was standing, wand pointing towards the door.

"Open it" Harry forced out, curtly.

"Hardly, Potter. Sit back down." Sighing, Harry sat back down, he knew it was futile to fight Snape, he never relented.

"Good. Now let me start by saying this: the fact you can cast a patronus in itself is an amazement. I know it was you who did so to protect Black. If you can do that, you can pass my DADA class. Second… I admit the headmaster felt it wise to keep you out of the loop so to speak, first because he didn't want to worry you, and then because of the connection between the Dark Lord's mind and your own. It would do no good, Potter, to tell you things if the Dark lord would just use Legilimens on you to find it out. It's why I was attempting to teach you Occlumency. We had no desire to form a plan, for it to immediately be found out and defences put in place. So regretfully you had to be informed of as little as possible." Harry stared at the man before him, speechless. He didn't think of it like this, he has just though they thought him too immature or too young to handle the truth. He didn't suspect that this was the reason and a twinge of guilt hit him.

"I didn't think of it like that" He admitted.

"That wouldn't surprise me…" The Professor sneered. This caused Harry's hands to clench tightly in annoyance, anger rising in him all too quickly. He knew however it would do no good so tried to calm his breathing to a more acceptable rate.

"Now regarding potions… I will help you, but I expect you to for one be on time and second to actually want to improve and put effort in. Fail to do so and the time I put into teaching you would be wasted and I will cancel the lessons. Second, I think it's high time you resume Occlumency, if you want to be more involved and not be "kept in the dark" as you put it but this time we will try a different attempt at it. If this is what you want of course." Harry lifted his gaze to Snape, a curious expression planted on his face, not amazement, and not suspicion… maybe a cross between the two.

"Thank you, I would like that, both the Potions and Occlumency. I appreciate it." Snape nodded at the thanks.

"Very well Potter. Two times a week for Potions, once for Occlumency. Monday and Friday Potions, 7pm, Occlumency Wednesday, also at 7pm. This fits into your timetable I assume?"

"Yes sir, thank you" The boy muttered again.

"Good, oh and don't think this will allow you to slip on any of your homework. All is to be completed and to a good standard or I will put a stop to these lessons. I will be checking with your other Professors to make sure you are keeping up, so be warned. Now you may leave." At this Snape rose, headed to the door, holding it open, waiting for Harry to leave. The Gryffindor hurriedly exited and headed down the hall, back to the dorm room. It was almost curfew and he didn't want to get in trouble so early in the year. He got back to the dorm, sat on his bed and thought about tomorrow. Wednesday, that meant Occlumency. He thought about his last lessons with Snape. Constantly being told to empty his mind of emotion. He closed his eyes trying to do just that, but with such little direction it was near impossible. How does one simply… not feel? Sighing, the 16 year old changed into his clothes for the night and feel asleep soon after, having had an interesting day.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

Potions was first the next day, Snape would be taking the class as Slughorn was Ill, and Harry was wondering if things would be going any differently after his conversation with Snape yesterday. They were set a potion to brew, as was usually the case, but Harry found it hard to see the board with the notes on it at the front of the class. He squinted to try to see clearer but it failed. Suddenly a piece of parchment was lowered onto his desk.

"Here, Potter, can't have you damaging your eyesight now can we," the professor said calmly, before carrying on his rounds. The parchment was an exact copy of what was on the board and Harry sighed in relief. At least this limited the chances of his cauldron going up in smoke…

Ron eventually even took to glancing over to steal a look too, which Harry allowed. The constant looking between 'Advanced Potion Making' and the notes was very comical. After stirring for a little while, Harry blanched in dismay when he read the potion should now be a pink colour. Well… isn't purple a funny looking pink, he muttered angrily in his head. As if sensing the mistake, Snape was soon there behind him.

"My my Potter… it seems you stirred for a little too long. There is a way to rectify this however, can you think of what it is?" Harry tried to think, apart from starting again (which wouldn't surprise Harry in the least if it was the right answer), he however couldn't think of anything.

"Sorry Sir, I don't know" A pause later there came a soft sigh.

"Simply stir in the opposite direction until it goes to the correct colour. You stirred too long one way, so balance it out by stirring the other." With that the man was once again walking away, glancing into the cauldron of Malfoy. Harry looked back at his potion, doing as Snape has suggested and true enough it turned to a pink colour. Breathing suddenly became a lot easier. The rest of the lesson went in an uneventful manner and by the end Harry actually has a decent potion he could turn in. He took his vial up the desk, depositing it with slightly shaking hands.

"A decent effort Potter. You get a P. It would have been an E if not for the mistake earlier." Harry nodded a small smile on his face. A P was okay for only a few months into the year right? He rushed out onto his next class.

The day passed quickly enough for Harry, receiving homework in only Charms and Transfiguration. After last lesson and before dinner Harry managed to get the Charms homework out of the way, before going down to dinner, where he nibbled on bits and pieces. Soon it was precisely 3 minutes to 7 and Harry stood outside an all too familiar door. Knocking briefly he heard the command to enter and he did so swiftly, shutting the door behind him. Snape looked up from a book, gestured to the seat in front of him and placed the book down after a few moments.

"On time Potter, that's a start. Now … Occlumency, tell me what precisely was you finding taxing before? Apart from laziness of course" A small smirk suddenly graced the former potions master.

"I… well I didn't really understand how to clear my mind, it seems impossible to just… feel nothing." The boy answered truthfully, to which the man sat opposite him nodded, as if understanding.

"Very well, let's see. The trick is not to feel 'nothing' as you put it, but to instead…" Snape trailed off however, "You know what; I don't think that way will suit you at all. We will as I mentioned before try a different way of doing it." He suddenly raised from his chair, instead perching on the edge of the desk.

"Now, the first attempt was to completely block out what a person can see. This time I think we'll try not blocking out completely but instead being selective about what the other person can see. Think of a memory, a completely unimportant one. Instead of trying to stop me seeing any memory at all. Try to make me see that memory you choose, and only that. Think only of that, you hear?" Harry nodded in affirmation and chose the first memory he could think of: him transfiguring a cup into a quill. He then saw Snape withdraw his wand, pointing it at Harry.

"Let's see how this goes then, ready?"

"Yes" Harry muttered, trying to thrust the memory into his foremost thoughts. Cup, quill, cup, quill.

"_**Legilimens" **_

Harry, in potions earlier, happy he received a P from Snape was the first thing that was forced from Harry's mind. He gritted his teeth, focusing once again on the 'unimportant' memory, imagining it being an object of sorts, throwing it at Snape's direction. It worked! Yet the memory ended and he struggled to pull it back again and replay it. Other memories made themselves known in Harry's hesitation: his first lesson with Dumbledore, finding out about Tom Riddle's parents; being taken by Dumbledore to the burrow to start his 6th year at Hogwarts. For a while these memories were interlinked with the unimportant one, almost giving the impression of flicking channels on a TV set. His mind kept jumping from other memories to the one he was meant to be showing. Then all of a sudden the pressure on his mind vanished.

He was back sat in front of Snape's desk. He was surprised he didn't have a headache, last time he had one almost immediately after the first muttered Legilimens.

"Well that was not a complete failure. You did however still offer me weapons. Try this: picture putting all other memories into a box. You lock that box and only you have the key, no one else can get in. You've left your unimportant memory out. It's the only one you will let me see." Harry was, frankly, shocked. Snape not only kind of complimented him, but was now actually… giving him advice. This was new…

"Alright…a box…" Harry muttered to himself, closing his eyes and doing just as was instructed. He realised he needed to let go of everything bothering him, it could wait. So it went into the box as well. Everything. After this he stiffly nodded to show his was ready. A few seconds later came that dreaded spell again.

"_**Legilimens"**_

It worked again, this time even better. He managed to keep the memory repeating for a good minute before it began to slip, the memory seemingly turning see-through, he was losing it. He was getting tired…

"No Potter, keep it up. Remember, everything else I can't reach… only this memory." He heard from somewhere in his mind. He scrunched his face in concentration. Cup…quill…cup…

The exhaustion however took him over and his little box came flooding open. Seeing this was happening Snape cut off his spell before seeing anything too bad, for which Harry was grateful. Once his mind was released, the boy sat slumped in the chair a little, clearly tired.

"Here potter, drink this before we continue," came the brisk voice. Harry looked up to find a hot chocolate placed near him on the desk. He took it gratefully, sipping slowly. He then looked towards his Professor, who has retaken his place behind the desk, his wand lying gently between his fingers.

"That was better. It can be tiring at first, I know. Eventually you'll be able to sustain it for longer. Your attempt all in all Potter was in fact admirable. Not many can Occlude at all, let alone a 6th year. It almost makes the disaster of last year's lessons ALMOST worth it." Harry didn't know what to reply so just sipped again at his drink. Then a thought came to mind.

"How do you Occlude Sir? The first method you… er… tried to teach. Or this one?" Regarding him curiously the professor replied.

"The first, if you must know."

"And how long can you occlude for?"

"For as long as it takes Potter, being who I am I don't have the luxury of deciding when I can stop using Occlumency." Being who he was? A 'former' deatheater? He occluded all the time around Voldemort? This seemed strange. If he was really still working for the deatheaters he wouldn't need to do that…

Maybe Dumbledore had a point when he kept saying Snape was working for the Order…

A battle was being fought in Harry's head… could he REALLY trust the man who was sitting in front of him? His thoughts were broken by the man in question.

"Think too hard, Potter, and you'll give yourself a headache." To this Harry simply rolled his eyes. Taking yet another sip of chocolate, Harry was left once again in his thoughts.

"You must be very controlled to do Occlumency your way, Sir. I can never just detach myself. I feel things, and I feel them strongly. How do you do it?" Harry was genuinely curious. Part of this question derived from the fact that Harry has felt such a plethora of emotions at seeing Sirius getting attacked by Voldemort at the Department of Mysteries it caused him to rush off without a second thought. If he hadn't of done that… maybe Sirius would still be alive.

"That is an extremely personal question Potter. Suffice it to say that I've had my fair share of… disappointments in life. I've suffered grief, loneliness, anger. I eventually came to the conclusion however that if I felt these for too long… it would destroy me. So I blocked it out. Got over it. Moved on… and THAT Mister Potter is how I can perform Occlumency." Gulping loudly, Harry took the reply as an order to hold his tongue. He quickly finished the hot chocolate, the hot liquid burning its way down as he drunk too quickly. He grimaced. A sound, a small gasp, drew his gazed back up however, before he could work out what it was, the Professor was speaking again.

"I think Mister Potter, we should draw this lesson to a close. This time practice between lessons... we don't have all the time in the world for you to learn this. Next time I will be more forceful with my Legilimancy so be prepared. Dismissed." Snape hurriedly rushed out, rubbing his forearm repeatedly.

"He's summoning you…" Harry declared.

"Very astute Potter, now get out!" Snape growled, pointing to the door. Harry Immediately exited the room, his breathing a little heavier than normal. After a second to calm he gazed at his watch: 7:25. The lesson seemed longer somehow…

He took off to the common room, deciding to start his transfiguration homework at least.

That night Harry once again fell asleep restlessly.

The next day was uneventful. His lessons had been going well, he'd been trying to keep up with his homework, doing them the night he got them, as opposed to last minute as was his usual method. It provided him with a lot less stress and Hermione was also there to help and in fact liked Harry's new study regime. He was just finishing his DADA essay when he had an idea.

"_Professor,_

_I hope this essay is sufficient. Non verbals are indeed hard and the Slytherins I feel are enjoying using them on poor Neville and other Gryffindors. So my essay on "Why non verbals can come in handy" took me FORVEVER to do just so you know. There's only so many times you can say "because they are nonverbal!". _

_Anyway, I am disguising this letter with invisible ink. I know all teachers look out for it with every essay they receive to make sure no one is cheating (or passing notes around on pieces of parchment). _

_So I hope your meeting the other night went … okay. I hope it wasn't anything too bad. Sorry if I'm being intrusive but well… I always want to know what he's up to, so I can be one step ahead. _

_I have a question: If I master Occlumency this new way, would it be easier to do it the other way? As in could one person in theory learn both forms of it and choose which one to use?_

_Potions lessons are tomorrow with you and to be honest I have no idea what to expect. I could tell you how it WOULD have gone: you would have made some snarky comment about me being "late" when in fact I was on time. Then you would have made comments about my father the entire time, saying I was just as bad as him or something like this. You would have annoyed me, causing me to make the potion wrong, ending in an explosion of some kind, resulting in me getting thrown out. Seem about right?_

_Anyway…_

_I have a question:_

_Do you think you would have treated me… differently if I had been put in Slytherin?_

_That's all I guess,_

_Harry. _

Upon finishing Harry got up, travelling to the Owlery, finding Hedwig seemingly consulting with other owls. He placed the essay in her beak, declaring where it needed to go, she appeared to actually nod, then she flitted off. Students were allowed to send homework via owl but were encouraged to hand it in person but this time… Harry had more work to do and didn't want to see Snape as he handed in his homework…and early at that!

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There you go guys!

I hope you liked it, please if you are enjoying this review and tell me :) If you think something can be done better also let me know! :D Reviews keep an author writing! :) Thanks for your time and hope you are all well!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Regrettably I own nothing, the credit goes to dear old Jo! I do however take liberties regarding Harry's timetable this year (see below)

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Waking up slightly late on Friday Harry rushed to get dressed and powered his way to the great hall. He arrived just in time to grab some food, seating himself next to Ron at the same time. Friday's for Harry always gave comfort. Tomorrow was Saturday, Saturday meant no classes, nothing could be wrong with that in Harry's books.

He chanced a look to the staff table and noticed Snape was there, albeit seemingly grudgingly. He caught gazes but all too soon the professor turned away, engaging in a conversation with McGonagall

Lessons dragged by that day, he'd heard Slughorn had returned to Potions but thankfully Harry didn't have Potions on friday. Transfiguration was okay, a double lesson that day. When defence came by after his free after lunch he was more than a little nervous; he always was now in both Potions and Defence. He shuffled in, taking his seat quickly, just in time for Snape to come charging in in his usual vigour.

"Take your seats, wands on your desks," he quickly ordered, stopping at the front of the class, turning to face them all.

"Now we will be moving on from Non Verbal spells however we WILL be coming back to them and I DO expect improvement. Today we will be looking at Dementors. Many of you will be quite aware of them from your third year and know they are usually the guards of Azkaban wizarding prison. There is a spell to repel a Dementor which by the end of the lesson you will know and be practicing. Now turn to page 178."

The next half an hour was simply reading about dementors, what they were and what they did, how they worked. Many people became very … peaky the more they read. Harry however was in a sense… bored. He'd had this lesson before, and with a much more exciting teacher. Lupin was by far his best teacher he ever had for Defence against the Dark Arts. Then it came to knowing how to repel a Dementor:

"Now before you all go crying to your beloved parents, there is a spell to protect yourself from a Dementor, called the Patronus Charm. Potter… come here, bring your wand." This made Harry pay attention in a heartbeat. Shakily he grabbed his wand, slowly making his way to the front of the class.

"Now Mister Potter, why don't you show the class what this spell looks like, huh? First a non-corporeal Patronus if you please." Wait… he wanted Harry to cast a patronus, why couldn't Snape? Nodding briefly Harry quickly waved his wand, keeping his parents in mind,

"Expecto Patronum" A shield of silver light shot out his wand, not taking form, just like Snape had asked. After a few seconds, he disconnected the spell.

"And now a corporeal patronus" To this Harry didn't even nod he just simply recast the spell, muttering expecto patronum again, this time letting the Stag take form, it galloped around the room before stopping next to Harry, bowing it's head, to which Harry did the same. Then he broke the spell. Turning to face Snape.

"There you go, the spell is Expecto Patronum, written on the bored. Sit back down Potter." The Gryffindor did as he was told, listening half-heartedly to Snape go on about how a happy memory was needed and what the spell did. Hermione looked over to him grinning, she of course could produce a patronus, and so could Neville and so could Ron. This class would be easy for the Gryffindor side of the room. Soon they were moving desks aside, getting ready to cast their patronuses. Once given the command to begin, as if it was planned, Harry shouted:

"1…2…3" with that the Gryffindors all shouted: 'expect patronum!'

Several patronuses shot across the room, all corporeal. Hermione's Otter began waddling around, confused as if to say: "well where's the dementor then?"

Ron's Jack Russell was trying to jump on Ron's leg, full of life and clearly happy to be here. Nevilles badger plodded around, sniffing the floor as if there was something interesting there. Seeing all of these reminded Harry of Dumbledore's army and he smiled as he thought of all the funny times they'd had.

Snape suddenly appeared behind him.

"Well well, it seems you were extremely busy last year, teaching all your little friends. Don't worry, I'm sure I can come up with some way to make these lessons entertaining for you, have no fear." Then he was gone, Harry glared. Git, he thought.

It turned out that to make it more "fun" the Gryffindor's were all given an extra essay to do, explaining why a person's patronus could change, and in what conditions this could occur. On top of that they would in lessons be learning how to send messages via Patronus. Harry rolled his eyes at finding out but still… it was totally worth it. At the end of the lesson, as he was packing up, Harry found his essay being placed on his desk.

"Early for a change, Mister Potter, I won't hold much hope for this to continue however it was a nice surprise." With that Snape was gone. Quickly glancing at the "E" that was scrawled at the top he stuffed it back in his bag, heading for the common room. Once there he found a quiet corner, slumping in the comfy chair there, and pulled out his essay. Waving over it with his wand he revealed the writing at the bottom of the Essay.

_Potter,_

_Invisible ink? Really? You realise any professor could have seen this, if they'd gotten hold of it. I suppose however it was an acceptable idea. _

_My 'meeting' was fine; however that is none of your concern. As I said, you have a tendency to be where you shouldn't be, making you see things that you shouldn't. _

_Regarding Occlumency: Yes, once you mastered one way, learning the other way would become easier however every Wizard prefers one way to the other. _

_Potions lessons… yes that would have been how I would have gone about it. I will however try my best to control the urge to insult your father and will keep a beady eye on the clock to make sure you are indeed early or on time. _

_If you'd been in Slytherin? Where does this come from Potter? Anyway, I guess I would have treated you differently yes. That may in turn be because YOU would have acted differently. Weasly and Granger wouldn't have been your friends; you may have even been friends with Mr Malfoy. This however is all hypothetical, but I'm curious as to why you ask. Enlighten me. _

_Professor Snape_

Harry sighed upon finishing, so Dumbledore never told Snape that he was nearly placed in Slytherin? Curious. Why not? He would have to ask the old man, Harry decided, while folding away the essay, heading towards the dorm room. Stuffing it with the rest of his homework he decided to freshen up before dinner which what in precisely… 15 minutes.

He made it just in time for the tables to suddenly be filled with mountains of food. Settling next to Hermione he grabbed some things, placing them half-heartedly onto his plate. Munching slowly he absentmindedly talked to Hermione and Ron and before too long it was 10 minutes to 7: best head to the dungeons. Taking one last bite he pushed his plate away, stood and bid his friends farewell.

He knocked swiftly on the door when he arrived 5 minutes later and of course he heard a brisk command to enter. Doing so he found Snape once again behind his desk, reading some mind numbingly large book, which upon inspection of the title, Harry found to be a book on the dark arts. Typical.

"Good evening sir" was all Harry thought to come up with to begin the conversation.

"Indeed Potter." Came the reply, after a sigh the man before him bookmarked his place and then used his wand to levitate the book back to the bookshelf behind him, turning his gazed to the young Gryffindor before him.

"Sit" he requested after a moments hesitation. Obeying silently, Harry wondered what plans the 'bat of the dungeons' had.

"Before we begin Potter I have a few questions," the man began, "now, would you care to answer the question I posed in my reply to your essay." Harry gulped, sensing a trap somewhere, he was decisive about what he revealed.

"Well, Sir, when I was sorted into my house all the years ago, the hat had something about Slytherin, that's all" He settled on, coming to the conclusion that this was a satisfactory answer.

"You're not telling the whole truth Potter… I can tell when you're holding information or lying. Don't make me get my supply of Veritiserum, or indeed use a spell you are quite fond of, Legilimens…"

"How did you know?" Harry muttered in defeat.

"Your mother had the same expression when she was holding the truth too." Harry snapped his head up at this, how comes he knew so much about his mother. "Now, Potter, answer my question, properly this time." A flash of warning was in the man's eyes and finally Harry relented.

"Fine, the sorting hat said I would do well in Slytherin, and wanted to place me there… however I… persuaded it to see otherwise. So I ended in Gryffindor." Snape at hearing this settled back into his chair more fully, placing his fingers together under his chin.

"My my, Potter, a secret snake huh? I suppose you're glad you did end with the Lions. You would have been expelled in your second year if I do recall." Harry smiled at this, remembering the rather hectic trip via the 'invisible' enchanted car.

"With all due respect, I doubt if I would have been put in Slytherin that you would have expelled me, couldn't be seen punishing your own house now could we. Plus as you pointed out, Ron probably wouldn't have been my friend, ergo: no car."

"touché, Mister Potter." Was that a smile? Yes, definitely a smile crept onto the man's face. It was soon covered up however and he went back to his usually cold, calculating self.

"Very well, you have answered my question. Now, here, take out a quill and answer these questions as best you can, I need to know what level you're at regarding potions." Suddenly a test paper materialised in Harry's hands. It looked long and arduous and quite frankly daunting and above all boring! Sighing Harry pulled himself closer to the desk so he could use it and set to work answering the questions. Some were basic question he could answer. Others were a little taxing, some required him to give it his best guess and others he had no clue. It took what seemed hours upon hours to complete and by the end his vision was starting to double at the strain it put on his mind. Eventually however it was complete and Harry felt okay with his effort, he answered at least 80% of the questions and surly Snape had made it as difficult as he could… right? Wordlessly he wrote his name at the top of the first sheet and then slid it across the desk tentatively.

"Very well Potter, you may leave, I will have marked this by Monday have no fear." Sighing in relief Harry swept from the room, glancing at his watch to notice it was almost curfew…

"It took me 2 and a half hours to do that test?!" Harry grumbled, picking up his pace. Upon standing in front of the portrait of the fat lady he gasped the password, clutching his sides, pulling much needed air into his lungs. The lady silently swung the door open, shaking her head at the boy before her. Stumbling in Harry went to his dorm room, pulling out his homework figuring he'd make a start. Half an hour later he threw his books aside in frustration. He was getting nowhere, he was tired and homework could wait until tomorrow. He did however practice Occlumency for another 15 minutes, picturing his box of memories being shut, locked and this time, he threw away the key. Breathing felt a little easier and after changing into his night clothes he drifted off soundlessly and slept easy that night.

* * *

Hey guys, so here is Harry's Schedule for this story in case you wondered! I should say that I based this off of my own education when I was at College. We take 3 subjects onto the equivalent of "NEWT" level (we call them A Levels) and I got these lessons 4 times a week. I also tried to accommodate what information I could get from the book as to his lessons and when they were. In Hogwarts it's common to have double lessons, therefore I gave Harry a double lesson in each of his newts once a week (except Herbology) and then an extra 2 hours in other places. So he has a total of 4 hours tuition a week in each subject. It is not unusual for lessons to finish at 4:30pm (1 this is a boarding school and 2 during my own education my day ended at 4:20, not so far off) Dinner in case you wanted to know is at 6pm in my story. Regarding meal times you are allowed to turn up at any time, unless it's a special occasion, but the later you are the less time you have to eat obviously. I've tried to use a combination of my own experience (Hogwarts is after all based on a british schooling system!) and what I can gather from the books. Regarding free periods, this is also known to have happened in Hogwarts (as well as my own education) so I gave Harry some 'frees' as we used to call them. These are meant to be used for independent study and so on. Now onto uniform, students need to wear their uniform in all lessons and meals. They could at the end of the day back in their common room change however as they are only a few hours away from sleeping, not many do this and just stay in their uniform. Curfew for years 1-3 is 9pm, for year 5-7 it is 10pm. Now let me tell you a little joke, every time I write that Harry got an E in one of his tests, it always makes me chuckle because in my school an E grade was a fail! Nothing to do with exceeding expectations! haha. So there you go, a little info about "my" version of Hogwarts :)

**Monday:**

9:00 - 10:00: Herbology

10:00 - 10:30: Break

10:30 - 11:30: Double Defence Against The Dark Arts

11:30 - 12:30: Double Defence Against The Dark Arts

12:30 - 14:30: Lunch

14:30 - 15:30: Double Potions

15:30 - 16:30: Double Potions

**Tuesday:**

9:00 - 10:00: Herbology

10:00 - 10:30: Break

10:30 - 11:30: Charms

11:30 - 12:30: Free

12:30 - 14:30: Lunch

14:30 - 15:30: Defence Against The Dark Arts

15:30 - 16:30: Transfiguration

**Wednesday:**

9:00 - 10:00: Potions

10:00 - 10:30: Break

10:30 - 11:30: Double Charms

11:30 - 12:30: Double Chamrs

12:30 - 14:30: Lunch

14:30 - 15:30: Transfiguration

15:30 - 16:30: Free

**Thursday:**

9:00 - 10:00: Free

10:00 - 10:30: Break

10:30 - 11:30: Potions

11:30 - 12:30: Herbology

12:30 - 14:30: Lunch

14:30 - 15:30: Charms

15:30 - 16:30: Free

**Friday:**

9:00 - 10:00: Herbology

10:00 - 10:30: Break

10:30 - 11:30: Double Transfiguration

11:30 - 12:30: Double Transfiguration

12:30 - 14:30: Lunch

14:30 - 15:30: Free

15:30 - 16:30: Defence Against The Dark Arts


	4. Chapter 4

First of all thank you for all the views, favourites and followers!

Okay and now a warning: in this chapter I deal with the topic of self harm. It is done in quite an indirect way (for sure there were more direct ways of doing it) I have tried not to make this the focus and no self harm actually takes place, this chapter was more about the strained relationship between the 2 characters involved in this scene and the pressure on one of them. I will be changing the rating for the story to coincide with this new chapter. I hope you guys like this chapter none the less and please let me know what you guys think I can see there have been a TON of views for this story so please silent readers, let me know what you think :)

* * *

The weekend always managed to bring a smile to Harry's face: no lessons and no stress! Waking up on Saturday morning he headed to breakfast, chatting to Hermione and Ron about inconsequential things. Once that was over he got all his homework done so he could enjoy the rest of the weekend at his leisure. He decided he would go see Hagrid until lunch, he hadn't seen the man in a long while and Harry felt guilty for not making an effort to see him sooner. The prospect of seeing Hagrid put a theoretical spring in Harry's step and he walked just that little bit faster around the castle, heading towards Hagrid's hut. Of course this was the plan, but rarely do Harry's plans every turn out as they should. He was almost there, just passing down a couple more corridors, when he heard it.

Crying.

Halting Harry figured it was coming from the boy's toilets. He peered round the corner quietly to see if he could offer help to whoever it was, they sounded in a lot of distress. When he found Malfoy there however he held his breath. He was gripping the nearest sink for dear life, sobbing openheartedly. It was shocking. Malfoy, the boy who tried to make Harry's life that much harder, the boy who never showed anything but malice and contempt, was heaving with sobs desperate to get out. The boy was emotionally hurt, Harry noticed. But then Harry noticed something: the mirror that usually hung above the sink was smashed, pieces scattered all over the floor, and Draco had a large sharp piece in his hand, which he slowly lowered to his arm, his intention clear. Harry sighed, he needed to do something for the poor boy; he couldn't let Draco slip further, no matter how much they hated each other. He needed to make his presence known. Quickly he pointed his wand at the shard of mirror, casting a quick spell to make it fly out of Draco's hand, he then entered the room quickly, shutting and locking the door behind him.

"Draco…" The boy before him snapped his head up and for a brief moment their eyes met, Harry saw the pain there and it made him feel uneasy. He was meant to hate this boy, he was meant to not care if Draco was hurting… so why did he all of a sudden care? Then the connection was lost as Draco turned away, hurriedly rubbing his eyes.

"What do you want Potter? Here to gloat? Why don't you just go tell all your little fan club huh?"

"I'm not going to tell anyone Draco, what would that do for me? Trust me."

"Trust?" Malfoy sneered, yet somehow the facial expression seemed to just make the Slytherin look more pitiful to Harry, "And why should I trust you, Potty?"

"Because I told you not to go through whatever you are going through alone, I can tell you're hurting and scared Draco. If you want me to swear to you I won't tell anyone, I will. I have no desire to spread what I've seen here to every other person of Hogwarts." Harry then saw Draco's expression change, to one of disbelief, and then to a calm resignation.

"Fine, you won't tell anyone, if I find out you have, Potter…" The threat hung in the air momentarily, but Harry just nodded to confirm he would remain mute on the subject. Then his gaze drifted to Draco's hands, dripping with blood, mirror wedged into his knuckles and backs of his fingers from where he'd punched the mirror, it looked painful and Harry step forward to get a closer look. Wrong move. Draco freaked, pushing Harry. Harry however tripped backwards. He flung his hands out behind him to break his fall and the next thing he knew a sharp pain was emanating from his hands. He pulled them in front of his eyes hesitantly to see shards of mirror were also stuck into his hands now. His palms peppered with them. He flinched at the pain, but managed to stand up. Draco backed up to the wall, falling to the ground.

"Draco, we need to get this sorted, I'm not medically trained, neither are you, come we need to go to Madame Pomfrey…"

"No!" objected the boy, "not her!" His eyes were wild with fiery panic and Harry raised his hands in a surrendering gesture, despite the throbbing pain it caused him.

"Okay Draco, not Pomfrey, but who? We need to see someone." Draco seemed to think for a few seconds before slowly answering.

"Snape… we need to see Snape." Harry sighed… great how was he going to explain this one to Snape? He'd probably assume they'd been fighting and stop his potions and Occlumency lessons and everything would be wasted. Yet a look at the almost pleading glance of Draco made up Harry's mind for him,

"Fine, Snape, but what will we tell him?"

"The truth…I guess," Draco murmured, "but don't mention I was holding the piece of mirror. Just… don't"

"Draco…" Harry started, "What you were about to do…"

"I KNOW WHAT I WAS ABOUT TO DO!" came the bellowing reply. Once again Harry found himself raising his hands in a defeated motion, indicating he wouldn't say any more.

"Fine, but talk to someone okay. Now come on, we need to go." Harry gingerly picked up his wand; he had dropped it when he fell and unlocked the door. He then muttered reparo at the mirror and scorgify at the blood. Heading out he picked up his pace, heading towards the dungeons. Draco he noticed was right behind him, looking around hesitantly, no doubt making sure no one noticed that Potter and Malfoy were walking together. Couldn't have that now could we. Soon enough they were outside Snape's office and Draco knocked with his uninjured hand.

"Stay outside for a moment, Potter, I need to talk to my head of house alone," he muttered grimly, which Harry just curtly nodded to. The command to enter came and Draco disappeared inside.

Harry sat against the wall, just waiting. His hands were beginning to feel like someone was biting at them and he gritted his teeth against it, closing his eyes. 10 minutes later the door opened, revealing Snape, who looked almost weary.

"Come in Potter and quickly please." The use of please should have shocked him but Harry just simply rose and came in. Draco was sat in the chair Harry had done his test in and soon enough another chair was conjured by Snape and Harry took the place silently. Draco's hands were completely healed, on the desk sat a bowl of shards, mixed with blood, and a potion. Draco looked solemn, gazing at nothing in particular, his head down.

"Hands, Potter" Breaking his thoughts about Malfoy, Harry gently placed his hands, palm up onto the desk. Snape sighed as he took a look, and then pulled a chair closer; grabbing the wand Harry had only just noticed was on the desk.

"Okay Potter, I need to remove the shards, it will sting but shouldn't be too bad." Harry nodded briefly, and then at Snape's gesture, placed his hand into Snape's cold one. The professor then removed each shard one by one with his wand, depositing it into the bowl. Harry tried not to flinch at the pain of the shards dislodging themselves and eventually he swapped hands and it started over again. It took a good 15 minutes for all the tiny shards to free themselves, the entire time Snape's touch was clinical, cold, calculating. Much like his personality then, Harry thought to himself. The complete opposite of Madame Pomfrey who's touch was warm, almost motherly. He tried to avoid ending up in the hospital wing though, that always meant staying there longer than necessary and it going on his record. After the shards had been removed a potion was placed on the cuts and soon they healed, leaving no trace anything had ever happened. The only thing to tell harry it had happened was stiffness in his hands, and his memories. For a while everyone in the room remained silent, contemplating what had just come to pass.

"Mister Malfoy, Mister Potter it seems we need to have a talk…" Snape started, gazing at the two boys evenly. "Mister Potter, please tell me in your own words what transpired" Harry sighed at this, here we go he thought.

"I was on my way to Hagrid's when I heard …"He paused, seeing no protest from Draco he continued, "I heard crying. It was coming from the boy's bathroom, I took a look and saw it was Malfoy. I went in to check on him, I saw the mirror was broken and his hand. I tried to help but he freaked out, maybe thought I was going to attack him and he pushed me, I fell, landing in the shards of the mirror. I told him it was okay, I wouldn't tell anyone and said we needed to see someone about the injuries. He didn't want to go to Pomfrey and said here. I agreed." He summed up, omitting the incident about why he entered in the first place. Draco sent him a grateful look, then turned his gaze away again. Snape seemed to consider Harry's words silently before turning to Draco.

"Is this true, Mister Malfoy?" A small nod was all the reply Snape got.

"Very well, Potter not a word of this to anyone then. Dismissed and don't forget our meeting on Monday." Slowly Harry rose, turning to leave. He stopped just before reaching the door.

"Draco, the fact we wear different school ties means nothing. The fact I wear red, you wear green is meaningless. One day you'll realise that." he murmured softly.

"Just tell no one of this Potter, or you'll regret it" Draco snarled. Ahh, back to normal, Harry's thoughts muttered.

"Don't worry Malfoy, the fact you have a heart will remain between us" he retorted, swiftly pushing the door open and leaving.

His mood ruined, Harry trudge back to his common room before heading down to lunch. The rest of the day past smoothly, no more interruptions. He did eventually get to meet with Hagrid after lunch and before he knew it, it was time for dinner and then bed. His dreams that night were of the broken boy he saw in the toilet earlier that day. He pitied Draco; he knew he could never look at him the same way again. The fact the boy wanted to resort to harming himself to try to escape his problems meant he was hurting more than anyone realised. What had happened over the summer? These thoughts and many others plagued Harry well into Sunday. At lunch he ventured a glance over to the Slytherin, finding Malfoy sitting with Crabbe and Goyle, his expression one of boredom, he was swirling soup around his bowl with a spoon. His gaze was halted however when Snape appeared dropping a book onto the area in front of him.

"Here, Potter, you seemed to have left this after your lesson on Friday. Be careful with your belongings mister Potter, anyone could get hold of them" With that he was gone in a mass of black robes. Glancing at the title of the book: Magic of the Mind, was enough to tell Harry this was NOT his book. Harry got up from the table, muttering to Ron and Hermione about going to put the book away. Once sat on his bed he opened it and out fell a scrap of blank parchment.

Harry drew his wand, casting the spell he'd used to reveal Snape's letter before and sure enough Snape's spidery scrawl appeared.

_**Leave Draco to me. For once Potter STAY OUT OF THIS. **_

_**Read chapter 5 and 6 of this book, it deals with Occlumency.**_

_**Professor Snape. **_

Harry sighed. Fine… Draco was Snape's problem now. He knew Snape wouldn't tolerate any snooping so reluctantly he let it go… for now. For the rest of the evening he read the required text in the book then stashed it in his trunk, it wouldn't be wise to been seen which such an advanced book around, people would think he's up to something… well more than usual.


	5. Chapter 5

Monday: The worst day of the week! Harry arose, rubbing sleep out of his eyes, groaning. After a much needed ten minute "waking" period he trudged out of bed, the action seemingly causing a lot more effort than any other day of the week, and clambered his uniform together, heading to the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later he walked down to the common room, appearing a lot more awake. He saw Hermione and Ron sat in one corner and joined them briefly before the daily ritual that was breakfast made itself known.

Fighting back yawn after yawn the boy who lived pulled food onto his plate, tucking in. He had slept rough that night, waking every couple of hours from some sort of nightmare and then not able to get back to sleep for another hour or so. It left the boy feeling… cranky. A couple of times he caught his head lulling forward, his eyes feeling heavy, as if little weights were placed there. He rubbed his eyes before finishing up and headed with the other two which made the trio to their lessons.

Herbology was first on the agenda and it went languidly, the clock seemingly charmed to go as slow as possible. EVENTUALLY it was over and after break the three Gryffindors slunk into Defence, retrieving their essays that they had gotten set as extra homework.

Harry has found this homework rather interesting to research actually and thought he'd done well on this particular assignment. He found that a person's patronus was never fixed. It could change if the person had been under great stress or emotional upheaval. The most common was love; a person so in love could alter their patronus to be identical or at least similar to the person who was the recipient of said love. Another way was the opposite… depression. A person's whole being could change, twisting their patronus to a darker form to express their utter turmoil. A patronus was a reflection of who the person was, what they were feeling. He also decided to add in some extra details about how sometimes a person would altogether lose their patronus, achieving nothing more than a mist, if that person could no longer base it on a happy enough memory. This was the case with many people who'd experienced grief.

Snape billowed in at precisely 29 minutes past 10, collecting the essays and instructing them to keep on practicing with their patronus. Ron, Hermione and Harry sat in a corner and came up with a game to play. It was a muggle game called chinese whispers. They adapted it to make it patronus friendly. Hermione would attempt to send a message to Ron via Patronus, then Ron would have to try to pass the exact same message to Harry, Harry finally revealing what he thought Hermione had originally tried to say. Then it was Harry's turn to come up with a message to send to Hermione. It seemed a fun and engaging idea (in Hermione's words) and so they attempted it. Harry waited for the message to get to Ron but it took some time for Hermione to get her patronus to pass the message on and in that time Harry felt his body sagging forward a little, his eyes wanting to close. Sighing he tried to shake it off, the field day Snape would have over "the chosen one" falling asleep in his class just wasn't worth it. A couple minutes passed and the message finally passed to Ron, who swiftly cast his patronus, sending it off with a message after another 5 minutes or so of attempts. Harry listen to the message, then frowned, perplexed.

"Choggo Clogs paste hood?" he stated, a smile on his face, fighting back a yawn, knowing that clearly this wasn't the correct answer.

"Chocolate frogs taste good" Hermione clarified, a lopsided grin on her face, "Something went a bit wrong… your turn Harry."

Raising his wand, his arm felt heavy with his tired state. He swished it, muttering the incantation but nothing happened. Sighing Harry tried again, nothing. He gave a weak shrug over to Hermione, who gave a sympathetic smile.

"How much sleep did you get last nice Harry?" She enquired tentatively after a few seconds pause.

"I dunno… 4 hours maybe." Harry estimated roughly. Rubbing at his eyes for what seemed the millionth time that day.

"No wonder you look like a zombie… Harry you need sleep, it's important. Your magic won't … 'recharge' so to speak if you don't give you mind a break" Hermione mini lectured, casting a quick glace to Professor Snape, who was busy with the Slytherin side, trying to get them up to par with the Gryffindors.

"I know Hermione, don't worry, I just had a few nightmares last night, that's all, I'll be fine" He reassured. Inside however he was doubtful. His dreams of late had been… increasing in intensity. He knew when it had started… when Sirius…

…when Sirius died.

He had periods of time when sleeping became impossible. Then it would clear for a while, before coming back again for more. He dealt with it the best he could and carried on as well as he knew how.

Snapping himself out of his thoughts Harry mustered all the energy he could, and performed the patronus charm once again. This time the stag appeared, albeit very weak, and Harry gave it a message to pass on. The stag gazed at him curiously, tilting his head to the side, as if to say: sorry? What?

Harry tried again, re stating the message. This time the Stag seemed to understand for it bowed it's head, trotted to Hermione, and only then did Harry let the spell disconnect. Hermione smiled briefly before casting her patronus, sending her message on a little faster than last time. Ron grinned at hearing the message.

"Gryffindor are the best" He declared promptly to which Harry nodded, confirming the message was indeed correct.

The lesson passed much in the same fashion, each time however Harry's patronus grew weaker. He was so tired! By the end of the double lesson he was grateful when Snape declared that they were dismissed. Except:

"Potter, stay behind." Harry sighed 'one day this term he'll be allowed to leave Snape's classroom on time!' he thought, swiftly making his way to the front of the class to Snape's desk. Once everyone was gone Snape stared at him from the other side of the desk for an immeasurable amount of time.

"You look like death warmed up Potter, I do hope you weren't off gallivanting around the castle grounds after hours last night, that would be most… unfourtunate."

"No sir, I didn't sleep well is all." The professor conjured a stack of papers before pulling one forward, glancing it over.

"Why so?" was all the man said in reply, still absorbed in the parchment before him.

"Nightmares" Harry replied simply. This made the man look up, questioning in his features.

"No, no not those kind of nightmares" Harry retorted, forgetting for a moment that the reason he had needed to learn occlumency was because of 'nightmares', "Just normal ones, I can tell. My occlumency is okay enough to block 'him' out now" He assured the man. Snape leaned back in his chair, glancing the boy over with his eyes, before withdrawing his wand, sending 6 vials of potions towards him. They landed elegantly on the desk and Snape simply pushed one towards Harry, indicating to drink it. Harry recognised it instantly as a Pepper-Up potion. Gratefully he downed it within a few seconds, he instantly felt more awake, the weights on his body had been removed and he felt… reenergised. Sighing he then noticed Snape hesitantly pushing the others forward.

"These Mister Potter are dreamless sleep potions. Use them this week. Any more than that and you could become dependent on them. I repeat, only 5 days. Try clearing your mind a little more effectively before going to sleep, it would help. It won't make the nightmares go away but it can reduce the chances."

"But sir… you know I was never any good at clearing my mind." The boy muttered, slightly ashamed.

"That's why I said 'try', Potter." Harry sighed in response, and then had a thought.

"How do you know it would help, Sir?" The Defence against the dark arts professor glared for a moment at the boy, thinking about the impertinence of such a question. Then he decided to restrain himself from deducting points and giving detentions in favour of just sighing.

"You are not the only one to suffer from nightmares Mister Potter, now go, or you'll miss lunch" Harry stared blankly at the man before him for a few seconds before clambering around for his bag, depositing the potions in it and then swiftly leaving the room.

Lunch was a more light-hearted affair, Ron and Hermione immediately noticed Harry's sudden influx of energy and was grateful he would now be able to get through the rest of the day without head-butting the desk. Potions soon crept up on them; Slughorn had apparently recovered from his illness, and was back with gusto. Harry managed to get through reading the instructions (after asking for a paper copy of the instructions of course) and his potion was remarkably, the correct colour at least. After the 2 hours of brewing he bottled and labelled the potion and dropped it on the desk. Slughorn gave him an E for it and Harry left smiling, maybe he wasn't so terrible at potions at all?

After going back to the common room to complete some homework and (although he'd never admit it) he'd reread the book given to him by Snape to double check everything, in case he was asked questions on it, which was a very 'Snape' thing to do. Dinner soon crept its way around and he reluctantly made his way to the great hall to help himself to some pie and mashed potatoes, adding some vegetables at Hermione's insistence. About halfway through the owls made their usual evening deliveries, everyone doing their equally usual routine of covering their meal, ducking if an owl got too close. To his surprise a letter was dropped unceremoniously near Harry, his name written neatly, underlined precisely two times. He recognised the script as that of the headmaster. He sighed, plucked it up from where it landed and broke the wax seal.

_**Harry my boy,**_

_**We need to talk, tomorrow after dinner if possible would be ideal.**_

_**Hoping you are well and your professors are treating you well.**_

_**Friendly regards**_

_**Professor Dumbledore.**_

A little confused the Gryffindor glanced at the Headmaster at the Staff table and nodded to him, confirming the appointment, then turned back to finished his dinner, forgoing dessert. Once he was full he deftly placed his knife and fork on the plate with a clatter and then got up to head towards the all too familiar corridor of the dungeons. He was still a little early so he sat for a while, back against the wall, and read ahead a little on his potions book to see what they would be brewing next lesson and if there was anything strange about it. He noticed one of the instructions was to "grind" and another was to "crush". Before he never cared about these sorts of fine definitions; he just sort of… went by the policy "winging" it before, never taking real care because Snape refused to teach him properly. Apart from that Harry noticed the rest of the recipe looked easy enough. He then heard a billowing of robes and clunking of boots and he looked up to a curious gaze from Snape.

"My, my. The golden boy, studying… the horror" Snape lightly joked, Harry just grinned a little in response, starting to close his book to get up but Snape suddenly took the book from him, opening it back up to the page Harry had just been poring over.

"Potions, ey? I happen to know that you won't be doing this until Wednesday, getting an early start are you?" The man asked, while Harry gathered his things and stood. Harry didn't answer; deeming the question self-explanatory really, given that he was caught sat there, his finger moving along with the words as he read. Eventually Snape gestured for Harry to enter the room, still carrying the copy of Advanced Potion Making.

Harry sat in front of Snape's desk, as was the routine now and waiting patiently as the man sat down himself, reading over the book again.

"You understand everything you'll be required to do then?" the Professor enquired.

"Mostly" Harry answer confidently, "I guess I just don't get the subtleties of potion making" He admitted weakly, almost sounding like an apology. "For example what, Sir, is the difference between crush and grind? The both just… seem the same to me. Can't you just do either?" Snape unbelievably didn't start on a lecture about how inept he was at potions, probably throwing an insult about his father while he was at it. No, instead he just seemed to curiously look over the boy, and then rose from his desk chair, disappearing into what Harry knew was his personal stores. He came back a few moments later placing several things on the table: a chopping board, a knife, a pestle and mortar and two pieces of everyday garlic. He laid one piece of garlic on the chopping board, took the knife, pressing the blade on top of it and pressed down quickly. Then he placed the other piece of garlic in the pestle and mortar before making short work of it. Once finished he sat back in his chair.

"Crushed" he murmured, pointing to the squashed garlic on the chopping board, "ground" he moved to gesture at the remains in the bottom of the mortar, the garlic now almost a paste. Harry raised his eyebrows, the difference was THAT obvious? Shaking his head he quickly pulled out a quill and moved to take his potions book back, which Snape allowed. Harry dutifully circled the word crush writing 'press using knife blade' and then doing the same with grind instead writing 'use pestle and mortar' by it. He then placed the book on the desk, the quill on top before looking the potions master in the eye.

"Thank you" the boy eventually muttered, "thank you for not judging me, for showing me and for not insulting my father or myself" By the end he was talking to his shoes, which suddenly seemed the most interesting thing on the planet.

"You are welcome, Mister Potter," Snape dismissed with a wave of his hand, "however I will say that these differences should be more than familiar to you by now, given you are now a NEWT student. Yet there is time." With that he rummaged through a draw in his desk, pulling out what Harry noticed was his test from Friday. Taking it gingerly Harry noticed a black "74% - A" written on it across the top in Snape's familiar spidery penmanship. He sighed, at least it wasn't a fail. He then flicked through it briefly, noting a lot of red ink scattered among the black, while Snape vanished the garlic and tools with a sharp snap of his wand.

"I thought we'd go through this test, seeing when you went wrong, seeing IF I can help you understand" The professor began, placing heavy emphasis on the word "if", gesturing for the test back. Harry nodded, and after indication from Snape moved around the desk, standing so he could see the test too. Snape then pointed his wand at the chair, making it move to next to Harry. Gratefully the boy who lived took it, settling down.

For the next hour Snape and Harry sat in relative peace next to each other, going over the thick test, stopping at every question he got wrong, Snape would point out why it was wrong, what the correct answer was and in general helped. Harry a little while into it pulled out some parchment and retook his quill and ink and took some notes, thinking that this year, he was actually going to TRY in his lessons, everything else could wait for now. Voldemort wanted to kill him? Great! He was recruiting yet more followers? Fantastic! Voldemort would come to him when he was good and ready, Harry knew that. If he stressed about it, let his grades slip and worked himself into a frenzy he'd be no good for anyone. So diligently he scratched away at the parchment, taking scrupulous notes. If a question referred to a specific potion, he'd open his Advanced Potion Making textbook to the correct page and take notes there, so he'd know if he had to brew that potion again. Eventually however Harry's eyes began to sag a little, the hour getting late. Snape, noticing, ended the lesson there, retaining the test and dismissing the boy.

Harry needless to say slept well that night. He took his dreamless sleep potion as ordered and he drifted into unconsciousness with a half-smile on his face. His nightmares wouldn't haunt him tonight. Tonight would be a good night.

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Thanks to everyone who has favourite, followed and reviewed! I appreciate it! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it took a little longer than usual to post as I've now got a couple other stories out :) In compensation I made this chapter a little longer than normal! Wooo! :D


	6. Chapter 6

Tuesday morning was uneventful. Harry, finally having achieved a full night's sleep was extremely grateful and he got through Herbology and Charms with little interruptions. Professor Flitwick dished out homework and Harry immediately got to work in his free to complete it, lest he forget or leave it until the last minute (as was his increasing policy towards the end of last year). No this year he had to change or he'd lose his lessons with Snape, which just wasn't an option what with Voldemort becoming increasingly active. All those 'missing' people in the Daily Prophet Harry had a sneaky feeling weren't really 'missing' at all. The correct phrase ought to be 'murdered' or 'recruited'.

Defence came and went, this time a greater success was achieved between the golden trio. All three could now successfully cast and send messages via patronus and most of the time the message was correct. The slytherins had caught up with casting their patronus too. Draco Malfoy sat alone in a corner during the lesson, idly casting his patronus, disconnecting and then casting it again, his expression one of boredom. He never achieved a corporeal one however, Harry noticed briefly. Could he not do it? He seemed skilled enough to do it for sure. Maybe he was just holding back. Snape cast a glance over to the blond boy, before his face twisted into an expression almost unreadable… was that … pity? Had Harry seen that right? But before Harry could figure it out Snape had his normal cold mask on and had turned away. Snape had mentioned at the beginning of the lesson though that the Patronus Charm was never routinely taught at Hogwarts, maybe Draco WAS finding it hard? These lessons were only added this year because of the growing concern that Azkaban was no longer safe; the dementors that were meant to be guarding it were going AWOL; there was no telling where they would turn up. When the lesson ended surprisingly he got to leave with Hermione and Ron… on time. Amazing.

Transfiguration, the last lesson of the day, and Harry succeeded in transfiguring his eyebrows yellow, then blue, then green. For fun he tried to change his hair colour too and after a while managed to do so, a flame red colour. Professor McGonagall gave Gryffindor 10 points for that as this was still a few lessons away on the curriculum. Eventually Ron and Hermione caught up and they took turns changing each other's eyebrows to increasingly funny colours. Out of the corner of his eye Harry could see Professor McGonagall shaking her head at the antics, but didn't put a stop to it, as it wasn't hurting anyone and was in fact the point of the lesson.

Soon that came to an end, and an essay was set. Harry having nothing else to do before dinner got a head start on it, before heading down to dinner to a helping of lamb stew. The clock ticked ever closer for dinner to end and all too quickly it was time to meet with Dumbledore. It was on his way there that he suddenly didn't know the password. Sighing he looked around and was lucky to find Professor McGonagall wandering the halls, a rolled up piece of parchment in her hand.

"Professor!" Harry called to get her attention, jogging up to her. She regarded him quickly before smiling somewhat.

"Mister Potter, how can I help?" she enquired gently, stuffing the parchment under her arm.

"I have a meeting with the Headmaster, but I don't know the password" He admitted, an embarrassed grin spreading across his features. The news caused the Professor to roll her eyes mutter "that man" to herself.

"Given that it is creeping ever closer to Christmas, Potter, the headmaster is using the password candy cane." She stated. Upon hearing this he thanked her before almost running towards the gargoyles at full pelt. He declared the password and as soon as they opened he headed up the stairs two at a time, knowing he was now running late. Knocking swiftly he adjusted his tie a little and tucked his shirt in a little neater. Soon the command to enter came and Harry allowed himself in, shutting the door behind him.

Dumbledore was sat behind his desk as was commonplace and Harry made his way there. He noticed that many of the portraits today were sleeping or unoccupied. The silver trinkets kept by the Headmaster puffed and twirled in their usual place and when Harry finally sat In front of the desk he felt an odd sense of familiarity. It calmed him somewhat.

"Harry, it's great to see you! I'm glad you could make it. Sorry for springing it upon you." A crooked smile appeared on Harry's face.

"Sir, after all these years, I've come to expect it of you." Was all the boy replied, feeling it adequate enough. The twinkle in the Headmasters eyes showed the amusement he felt very clearly.

"Am I viewing another memory today sir, or?" The Gryffindor asked, placing his hands together in his lap, not knowing what else to do with them.

"oh, no, not today my boy. I simply called you here for a chat." The man admitted, which caused Harry's ears to figuratively perk up eagerly.

"Sir?" Was all he could mutter, the one word somehow becoming a question.

"No need to worry Harry, we have plenty of time. But first, tell me, how are your classes?" The man was here to exchange pleasantries?

"Fine Sir, I'm enjoying them yes." Harry dutifully responded.

"Good, I must admit every one of your teachers are most impressed with your work ethic of late. I can't help but wonder if there is something that has inspired this?" Harry couldn't help but laugh at this. EVERY teacher? Snape too?

"Sir, I severely doubt Professor Snape gave a glowing report to you. You know the animosity between us. Yet thank you, I'm glad the work I'm putting in is being noticed." The boy said genuinely.

"Actually, Harry, Professor Snape replied when asked, and I quote: 'The boy is talented at defence, I won't begrudge him that. When he decides to put effort in, he can achieve many complex things' so he is indeed happy with you in his classes." The headmaster summarised. The little speech ended with Harry's mouth practically on the floor, Snape had said that? That was the Snape equivalent of saying: He's a pleasure to teach Albus!

Gathering a modicum of decorum Harry managed to close his mouth to reply.

"Has Professor Snape been subjected to the Imperius curse sir?" He wryly retorted. This caused a chuckle from the older wizard.

"No, no, I assure you not. You must be doing something right my boy." Harry smiled briefly; the headmaster was right.

"Has… did he inform you of the fact he's teaching me Occlumency again?" Dumbledore nodded in reply.

"Indeed, but I am intrigued as to why you wished to continue with Professor Snape as your instructor, or in fact why you wished to learn Occlumency at all." Harry hesitated before answering this; the answer was complex and slightly depressing at best. A sigh escaped from his lips before he swallowed and tried his best to answer truthfully.

"The truth Sir… last year, if I had learnt Occlumency, and applied it, I would not have rushed off to the Ministry. The Order wouldn't have needed to step in. Sirius wouldn't have needed to step in. No battle would have commenced and… no deaths would have occurred. You saw how distraught I was. I can't have something like that happen again… no one needs to die for me again. This is between me and Tom Riddle. And as for why Sn.. Professor Snape, that is simple. He knows how this works does he not? He has been in Riddle's presence many times. He's applied Occlumency over his thoughts many, many times, and never once has he been caught yet. He's the best person for the job. If that requires me having to spend extra time with him then so be it. We may not be best friends, but I believe we've come to, or are at least on the way to, an understanding. Something, Sir, or someone hurt him in the past. I know not whom or what but I have hunches. A teen rivalry between my father and Professor Snape is mixed in all of it somewhere. I won't pry him to tell me more; I did enough when I looked into his thoughts in the pensive." Throughout the entire speech Dumbledore was regarding him fully, a couple of times he smiled in sadness. When Harry stopped speaking he seemed to collect his thoughts before weighing his words carefully.

"You've matured a lot over the summer, Harry. Yet I urge you: do not let your childhood leave you just yet. Now… Sirius Black did not die because of you Harry, I want to make that quite plain. He was a grown man, he made his choice to go to the Ministry, and he knew the price he could potentially pay. Your parent's deaths were regrettable, very much so, and they did all they could to prevent it. They placed their trust in the wrong people and that is in no way your fault either. Do not add problems to your heart that are not yours my boy." The Headmaster hesitated before continuing. "Regarding Professor Snape, I don't doubt that he is the best person to teach you what you need to know, nor do I doubt that these hunches you have, some may turn out to be correct. It is not my place to tell you either way. But know this, Severus Snape is a complex individual but he, as I've said many times, can be trusted completely. He is extremely useful to the Order and puts himself in danger countless times. We are not proud of that, but there it is." The man stood now and made his way to where Harry sat, placing a hand (the uninjured one) on his shoulder before continuing once again. "No one on the side of the light wants this war Harry but fight in it we must, lest we lose everything." The sombre conversation was unexpected and Harry didn't know how to respond to this, he merely took it in, to digest later. Right then however he just nodded, more as a confirmation that he'd heard and understood, more than an answer to a particular part of anything that was said.

"But this is not why I asked you here dear boy. I sent you that note in hopes you would attend here tonight so I may apologise. I know you have not taken kindly to being kept in the dark about things regarding Tom. I admit my actions were not the best last year, but I hope this year, by allowing you to view these memories and so on, that you can begin to forgive me and also feel included. We do not mean to isolate you Harry, we are trying to preserve what little childhood and innocence you have left. You should not have to meddle in the deals of adults." Harry smiled at this sadly, when had things gotten so … serious?

"Forgiven Sir, but for the record, I have not had one year of peace. Where the only worries I have are if I can get that Charms essay done in time. I find happiness where I can, I can enjoy my life when… if I defeat Voldemort."

"Perhaps you are right" The other man relented, heading back to his desk, pushing a bowl of lemon drops forward. Harry took one, muttering a thanks, and plonked it in his mouth.

"Is there something you wish to talk to me about Harry?" The Headmaster enquired his tone once again light, carefree. Harry thought for a while, racking his brain for anything the headmaster may be able to help with.

"Maybe. Sir, how is Remus doing? I have not heard from him lately and his letters when I receive them are usually not very detailed." The white eyebrows of the headmaster rose a little at the question but no other indication gave away his emotions.

"Remus is well enough Harry, he is however also dealing with the death of Sirius. He was his best friend. He is the only member of the Marauders left, albeit Pettigrew who we're not counting. He's taking the loss a little hard but he's doing what he can for the order. His condition also does not help." Harry felt bad now. Poor Remus, he should talk to him about this. Harry forgot that Remus must feel very alone, and a little at loss as to what to do.

"I need to speak with him. Would this be possible?"

"I'm sure I can arrange something my boy, maybe…" The Headmaster looked towards a calendar on the wall near him… a lunar calendar, "this weekend?" Harry nodded at once and the headmaster beamed.

"Excellent, well if there is nothing else my boy then you'd best be heading off, keep up the hard work but also remember to have some fun, also no mischief if you can manage it please." The man chuckled, the gleam in his eye back with full force. Hearing the dismissal Harry rose to leave, bidding the man farewell and departed back down the stairs, past the gargoyles and back to Gryffindor tower.

After interrogation from Ron and Hermione, through which Harry didn't reveal much, except that Dumbledore had apologised and that he would see Remus at the weekend, he gulped down another dreamless sleep potion and fell into a deep slumber.

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Hope you enjoyed guys! :D


	7. Chapter 7

Say What You Need To Say Chapter 7

The remainder of the week soon passed by for Harry. Wednesday saw him once again with Snape after dinner for Occlumency lessons. This time proved a little more successful. He could keep his memory repeating for almost 2 minutes but eventually he could feel Snape force his way into his mind. The only thing he could liken it too, is someone on the other side of a door, banging their way in, you on the other side, pushing back to keep the door shut with everything you have. He voiced this opinion after half an hour had past and Snape admitted the two concepts did share similarities yet said that with Occlumency it was a battle of brains, not brawn. Harry's mind had taken such a beating over the years that for a while it would prove extremely hard to fight to keep his memories. Yet over time this should improve.

When Friday came it once again brought a feeling of joy, the weekend being just around the corner. In the morning Hedwig swooped in with the other owls, dropping a letter for him which simply stated:

_**Harry,**_

_**Headmaster's Office, tomorrow, 10am. **_

_**Moony. **_

Shaking off the rather abrupt nature of the letter, he was pleased by the concept of meeting with Remus again. It had been an awful long time and the two hadn't really had a genuine conversation since… since Sirius. Swallowing heavily Harry got up, casting a quick spell to send the letter up in flames, and took off to begin his day, pushing all thoughts out of his mind.

When it came time for defence, Harry once again noticed Draco, sat alone in a corner, casting a noncorporeal patronus, the mist filling the air and then disappearing when the spell broke. Deciding to bite the proverbial bullet Harry ripped a piece of parchment and scribbled a note on it:

_**Can you not cast a corporeal patronus? **_

_**Harry**_

He used his spell to send it Draco's way. It landed on the Slytherin's lap and he read it, then looked at Harry, who was giving a concerned glance his way. His brow seemed to scrunch before he visibly sighed, before grabbing his quill and scrawling a note on the same piece of parchment and sending it in Harry's direction.

_**None of your business, Potter.**_

Harry automatically recognised it for what it was: Draco indeed couldn't perform a patronus corporeally but didn't want to admit it. Harry wrote four words and sent the parchment on it's way.

_**I can help you. **_

Draco sneered at reading it and was about to reply when Snape snatched it out of his hands. He read it of course and gave a curious gaze at Harry before storming over.

"10 points from Gryffindor I think Potter, for passing notes in class." Harry waited until Snape had turned around before letting his eyes roll. He felt like reminding him that it took two people to 'pass' notes in class. Yet Draco was a Slytherin and Slytherins stick together.

When Snape gave the order to leave Harry saw Draco straggling behind and he cornered him.

"Draco, I mean it: I can help." It was Draco's turn to roll his eyes this time.

"Touching, Potter, but I don't need your help." With that Draco pushed passed roughly, rushing out the door. Harry was about to follow but was stopped by someone gripping his collar. He turned to see Snape was the perpetrator and Harry glared at him before relenting and just remained there until all other classmates had left. Snape closed the door with a flick of his wand and locked it in the same manner. Only then was Harry released.

"Mister Potter, were you not wearing your glasses when you read my note? Leave Mister Malfoy alone. I will deal with him as I mentioned. Do NOT drag yourself into other people's business. Do I make myself clear?" Harry sighed before muttering the customary 'yes sir'. Yet something in him made him want to defend himself, justify his actions.

"I just wanted to help him. I noticed he wasn't casting a corporeal patronus and a part of me thought that maybe he just… couldn't. So I offered help is all, I DID teach every Gryffindor in your class how to do so, and before you ask, yes, even Neville. He's a bright kid when you give him the right encouragement. I'm tired of this fighting between me and Malfoy. His father may be a Voldemort loving dunderhead but that doesn't mean Draco has to be. I had no ulterior motives, just offering help. I KNOW Voldemort has recruited him, and don't you dare say otherwise. The boy can act the part, but I know deep down he's affected by this just as much as the rest of us. Plus I kind of owe it to him after the fiasco in the bathroom." Snape groaned when Harry had finished, heading towards the front of the classroom.

"You should have been expelled for that little 'prank' you pulled. You would have been guilty of murder had I not entered. You think Mr Malfoy is going to forgive you so easily for that?"

"He tried to use an unforgivable. I didn't know what the spell did either. I realise it was wrong to cast it before I knew what it did." Snape sneered before he replied in a cool voice.

"I happen to know precisely the spell you used Potter. You should brush up on your latin, then you would have known exactly what the spell would have done." With that Snape pointed his wand at the board by his desk and wrote quite clearly one word:

_**Sectumsempra**_

He then flicked his wand again and the word split into two.

"Sectum is latin for cut. Sempra derives from Semper which in a literal sense means always but can be used to mean forever. Cut forever Potter. Had you known that maybe you wouldn't have been so… hasty to use such a spell." The entire time the professor spoke with an eerie calmness which was off-putting to say the least, "You are lucky I walked and happened to know first of all the spell you used and secondly the counter curse to reverse it." Harry gulped; he knew he should have been in a lot more trouble that he was for that spell. He'd vowed never to use it again, and threw that damned book away somewhere in the room of requirement, hoping to forget the moment.

"I know sir, I wish I'd never cast it. Voldemort may be happy to use those types of spells, I… I can't, dark magic, I can feel it and it makes me feel horrid." Silence ensued and Harry chanced a glace over to the man who stood emotionless before saying in a levelled tone.

"I'm going to ask you again Potter, last time you were not so forthcoming. WHERE did you learn that spell?" Harry debated telling him about the half-blood prince's book. Yet this would get him into a lot of trouble, wouldn't it?

"I…I just read it somewhere, like I said before." In much of a repeat Snape came up to him, grabbed his chin, forcing eye contact. Harry knew what was coming and put all he could into occluding.

"Legilimens" Harry felt the pressure against his mind. Yet his box containing all his memories was firmly shut… for now. Time ticked by and Snape grew ever persistent until the inevitable happened. Harry's box flew open again and instantly an image of an old copy of Advanced Potion Making came into view, much like last time. Yet something new happened. The book opened and there plainly written: This book is the property of the Half Blood Prince. Pages flicked, stopping on occasions.

_**Sectumsempra: for enemies…**_

_**Levicorpus …**_

_**Liberacorpus…**_

_**Just shove a bezoar down their throats…**_

With that the pressure in his mind eased and he was back in the defence classroom. He backed away slowly when Snape released his chin. Yet the expression on Snape's face was one of… resignation? Then the man spoke.

"Give me back my book Potter." He muttered slowly, pronouncing each word precisely. At this Harry's mind worked over time.

HIS BOOK?! HE was the Half Blood Prince?!

Harry backed up even faster, shaking his head in denial. No, he couldn't have come up with such a dark spell could he?... right? His thoughts were broken when Snape said calmly.

"Trust me, Potter, I cannot punish you for possessing it. I merely wish to have it back so no student can ever find it again." Harry eye's widened; he wouldn't be in trouble for this? Why?

"It's safe, and somewhere no one can find it, unless they already know of it and are specifically looking for it." Harry muttered resigned. Snape raised his eyebrows at this.

"The room of requirement." So Snape knew of it?

"How do you know of it, sir?" Harry asked, despite himself.

"There are times even you, Potter, must wish for a place to hide, to run away." Was the lofty reply. Harry shrugged. Of course. Not even Ron and Hermione knew but when he was feeling particularly down he would escape into the room of requirement for an hour or two to be alone with his thoughts.

"Yes sir, I can't believe I'm admitting it but I escape there sometimes when I desire to just… be alone. You don't have to put on a mask then." Then Harry sighed deeply, "Look, Sir, I don't know why I'm not getting in trouble for this, but thanks. I will retrieve the book if you wish me too. I'm sorrier than you know for hurting Malfoy with that spell, it was foolish. Sometimes I don't tend to think about things; blame it on Gryffindor foolhardiness if you wish but I had honest intentions with sending that note to Malfoy." Snape gave a fleeting look in Harry's direction before acknowledging that Harry had spoken.

"Well well, is this… remorse Potter? Careful now, people would think you're not suitable to be the choosen one," he jeered. He then took his wand swishing it one more time at the board and the words that were there disappeared. He then continued, "I will speak to Mister Malfoy regarding your offer. A patronus is not part of the normal curriculum and you will not be marked on it but it is a useful charm to know, given recent events. You will apologise to him in person if he agrees to these lessons. I will be in attendance to these lessons as well, there will be no foolish duels and you will not speak of anything other than what is necessary in assisting him. This is of course IF he agrees to this. I would not get your hopes up Potter, but I will make the offer to him nonetheless." Harry nodded and was then given a dismissal and Harry made his way out after snape had unlocked the door but as his hand touched the door frame Snape's voice drifted to him again.

"Oh and Mister Potter, don't forget our meeting in… 40 minutes. I will retrieve my book, so you do not need to." This brought up a question Harry had had earlier.

"Sir, why precisely are you not telling Dumbledore about me having the book?" The man stared daggers before relenting and answering.

"Because Mister Potter, YOU would not be the one in trouble with _Professor_ Dumbledore… I would." At this Harry left, slightly confused but he didn't have time to think about it as he rushed to the great hall to snag what food he could before returning back to the dungeons.

The potions lesson proceeded in much the same way the previous one had. They went over the second half of the test, seeing where he went wrong and Harry once again took notes. No comments were made about their confrontation less than an hour ago but Harry noticed, tucked on a bookshelf, a familiar looking Advanced Potion Making book stuffed between other potions texts. The professor asked as Harry was leaving about the dreamless sleep potion as it was the last night Harry could take it. He was reminded to try to clear his mind before sleeping every night from now on and was then dismissed. Harry once again fell into a dreamless sleep that night but was excited about the prospect of meeting Remus in the morning. Life was looking up for the young Gryffindor.

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Two updates in two days aren't you lucky readers! haha :D Next Chapter: Remus is back! Oh and we get to find out what Draco replies... :P Enjoy guys!


	8. Chapter 8

So reviews are a little lacking for the story. Please guys if you want me to continue let me know :) There are quite a few views so I know there are some silent readers which is great! Now just press that little button if you would be so kind!

Anyway enjoy the next chapter!

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Harry rose at 8am Saturday morning where he drifted into the showers and got ready for the day. He dressed in a casual pair of jeans and a hoody. It was always nice to be able to wear normal clothes, as opposed to school uniform which Harry found uncomfortable and itchy. He meandered down to grab a bite to eat from the great hall where he met up with Ron and Hermione. He stayed with them, playing a game of wizard chess to pass the time. Soon it was five minutes to ten so Harry bid his friends farewell and made his way to the Headmaster's office. Upon hearing a cheery "enter!" Harry slunk into the room.

"Good morning Harry, my boy! Your week has been good I trust?" came the headmaster's voice from his usual spot behind his desk. The man himself was just signing a document with a flourish before he placed his quill down and gazed at Harry fully, giving him his undivided attention.

"Yes sir, everything is fine" Harry immediately responded, causing Dumbledore to smile widely.

"Excellent, excellent." The old man seemed to mutter to himself before directly addressing the boy before him, "I must be off, Remus will be here shortly." With that he got up and made his way out the door Harry had just entered: Harry was alone. He idly wandered the vast room, stopping at various peculiar objects, watching them with an avid interest. He found himself stopping at a familiar sight, tiny vials all in a cabinet, their contents swirling invitingly. Memories of Tom Riddle. He gave the cabinet a twirl, watching it revolve, reveal even more memories. How could one man become so twisted, so warped that he would turn into… THAT? Mindlessly killing innocents for sport. It was a question Harry asked himself time and time again but still no answer presented itself. Gingerly Harry reached out for one of the tiny vials, pulling it out and gazing at it. He hurriedly placed it back however when the fireplace burned an emerald green and a few seconds later a familiar face materialised and step out of the grate, brushing himself down.

Remus was dressed in his all too familiar cardigan and trousers ensemble. The clothes appeared big on him but comfortable all the same. What caught Harry's attention however was not his apparel, but his face. The look in the werewolf's eyes was haunted, solemn. His face was littered with a few more scars than Harry remembered, some of them… fresh. What happened? Sighing sadly Harry walked over and simply pulled the man into a brief yet comforting hug. After a second of trepidation it was returned and a murmured "Harry" was heard. Pulling out of the hug, Harry stepped back to take in the man again.

"Remus, you look… what happened?" He couldn't help but inquire. A sad smile formed on the werewolf's lips as he gestured to a room branching off from the office. It was private, no portraits and would serve quite nicely. In the room there was a fireplace (which Remus quickly set alight with his wand) with two armchairs facing it. A coffee table separated the two and both wizards took a chair each, Remus gazing into the fire, Harry gazing straight at Remus. It was some time before the last marauder spoke.

"Your dear Professor Snape has refused to brew me wolfsbane anymore. That is why I look a little…rough of late Harry."

"What?! But... doesn't that mean…" before Harry could finished he was cut off.

"That I no longer remember who I am every full moon, correct. I managed to buy some wolfsbane for a while but… well let's say unemployment doesn't lend itself to spending money." The voice was bitter, cold. Harry gritted his teeth before announcing boldly:

"I'll talk to him." This caused the man to look to Harry, a sad smirk etched on his scarred face.

"Snape is not one to be reasoned with." Remus argued, his eyebrows raised. This caused Harry to scoff, knowing all too well how rash and brazen Snape could be. There was a deep seated grudge in that man's mind and he wasn't the best character of what was "right". If something proved to be of no benefit to him, he would not do it… at least that was Harry's impression of him. Two emotions made themselves known: the first was anger at Snape for allowing Remus to fall deeper into poverty and with each full moon loose himself just a little bit more. The second emotion was empathy for the man who was hunched in the chair before him, clothes frayed, tattered, and eyes full of sorrow. At the same time as taking this in Harry withdrew his wand. A quick spell later and Harry opened the equivalent of a chequebook and with a summoned quill filled it out. Hesitating slightly he ripped the cheque out and passed it to Remus, a smile on his features.

"Here, take it. Mum and Dad wouldn't want one of their best friends to suffer that. Consider it a loan if you must, but I don't expect it back." Remus took it, his mouth slightly open, he gazed at the number written there and his eyes bugged.

"Harry, I cannot accept this!" He screeched, trying to thrust the piece of parchment back in Harry's hands. Harry refused, pushing it back.

"Remus, I am the sole heir of both the Potter and Black vaults… the money in both of them is mine to do as I wish." He reasoned, "Both my parents and Sirius knew what you go through every month, they would do anything to make it as easy for you as possible. You get enough ridicule as it is, this is the least I can do for a dear friend. Meanwhile as I said I will speak with Snape, I will try to get him to make you the wolfsbane again. Yet I am curious… why did he stop?" Remus muttered a sincere thank you before pocketing the cheque with shaking fingers.

"He stopped after your third year Harry… as soon as I didn't 'need' it. The two years after that, Sirius paid for the potions for me. But well… he's…" Yet the man couldn't finish.

"You should have told me Remus, I could have helped sooner." Harry murmured, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Remus glancing over.

"It's not your duty to help me Harry; I should be able to provide for myself." Fighting back the need to rebuke that Harry set his mind at work. Harry had noticed a … connection between Remus and Tonks, he noticed the glances, the flirting on Tonks' part and the reluctant yet occasionally returned affections of Remus. If (and that maybe was a big if) the two got married, Remus would become a member of Harry's family (he was after all related to Tonks)… and family looked after each other. For now however Remus was simply the best friend of his second cousin and godfather Sirius. Sirius wouldn't have wanted Remus to be cast out into poverty and shunned wherever he turned, no. Harry would help Remus for everything he not only did for Harry himself, but for Sirius. He deserved that money; he'd more than earned it. Yet he recognised the man's need for a stable income, which proved almost impossible due to his Lycanthropy. Harry knew Remus would flit from job to job, constantly taking jobs well below his skill level and then leaving before people noticed he was always gone once a month. It was all because of something not his fault or his own doing. So Harry organised his thoughts into finding somewhere Remus could work comfortably, not having to leave, and the pay be good enough to live on…

This meant it had to be with a group of people who did not hold disdain for werewolves… or at least this particular werewolf. Then the idea hit him with all the force of an enraged juggernaut.

"Remus, why don't you get a job at Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes? Fred and George would be more than happy to employ you. They were thinking of buying out Zonko's and they owe me a favour or two and they know about your… condition." At this Remus' eyes lit up in amusement.

"Harry, you may be on to something. Yet I'm not so sure I'd be a great front of house staff," he admitted, gesturing to the scars on his face.

"They need someone to manage their finances, and manage their stock intake. Not the most exciting job but it will get your employed." At this Remus smiled gratefully.

"Thanks, Harry, I'll stop by and ask." The two then lapsed into a comfortable silence. Harry took this time to look around the room they had entered. The floor was wooden, a rich caramel colour which was illuminated by the fire. The walls were a familiar stone of Hogwarts, tapestries decorated the walls and a desk was pushed up against a wall to the left, bookshelves on the right. When Remus didn't say anything in the three minutes that had past Harry grew worried.

"Are… are you okay Remus?" the man didn't even turn to face Harry as he replied slowly.

"I'm as well as I can be" The words were simple, yet spoke volumes. Pity ripped its way from Harry's heart and he stared with a grimace at the man who had taught him so much.

"I would say he would have wanted you to be happy and not to wallow in his death but that would be hypocritical of me. I dream of him many nights. Nightmares. I will however say this; I miss him too Remus, I only knew him for two years but he was the closest thing to parents I had." This caused the weary man to slump in his chair further.

"I am grateful Harry I knew that man at all. He saved me, more than you know. When I came to Hogwarts I was a lonely boy, very lonely indeed. Before Hogwarts I was confined to house after house, my parents moved us frequently, never stopping in one place too long, lest people find out about "the weird boy" next door. When the full moon came, I was trapped in my room, heavily warded and silenced. Yet the older I got, the more powerful the wolf in me became, soon it was not enough, my parents had to use more and more complex spells to keep me contained. By the time I got admitted to Hogwarts, thanks to Dumbledore, my parents were at their limits. All this made me incredibly alone, never stopping to make friends, my parents grew scared of me. I had no one." The man paused as if in thought. A smile then broke on his face as he continued.

"And then came along a certain trio. James with his sense of adventure and humour. Sirius, with his compassion and loyalty." A second pause before he continued with a note of bitterness laced in his words, "Then there was Peter… the underdog of the four if us, which is what I guess made me fight to get him into our little… group. James and Sirius would never have been friends with him had it not been for me. Who would have known he'd turn out to be a traitor." The werewolf's gaze locked onto Harry's then, "James and Sirius gave me friendship, the one thing I'd wanted more than anything. To be normal. You must recall my boggart is the full moon Harry. Not because I'm scared of the werewolf in me, no, I dealt with that many years ago. But because that one word: werewolf, has the power to make everyone around you look at you in horror, never to speak to you again. And that one simple word held no sway over James or Sirius. They saved me from myself, I owe them everything for that and I'm scared to think of the person I would have become without them." The admission slammed Harry into silence. How does one reply to such a heartfelt lament? Words didn't seem enough to give it justice. What could he do to ease the weight on the dishevelled heart? Harry then noticed his wand, still limply balancing in his fingers. Maybe there was something he could do. Gripping the wand more firmly he whispered two words.

"Expecto Patronum." The stag instantly shot from his wand, bursting out with raw power. It galloped for a moment before slowing, trotting over to Harry, dipping its head in a customary bow. Then it turned to Remus, took a few steps towards it and repeated the gesture. Remus blinked rapidly, emotion swelling inside him. Harry knew now was the time for words.

"James is still here Remus, right with me, Sirius too. He told me something when I was in much the same mood as we find ourselves in now. He told me this: the ones we love never really leave us. He was right. I take comfort that I will always have part of them with me. They are always with you too Remus. Part of life is dealing with death. We're just unfortunate enough to have a lot of death to deal with. So yes we mourn Sirius, we mourn my dad. Yet when the time comes, we'll be stronger for it I think. It doesn't seem it now, it only seems to hurt, but time moves on, all wounds heal somewhat." It was then Harry felt his message had been said. He rose from the chair and stood beside the stag.

"Come Remus, enough wallowing for one day my friend. It does no one any good." At this Remus lifted his gaze away from the stag to Harry.

"When did you get so … mature, Harry?" A resemblance of a smile appeared as he uttered the words.

"You are the second person to tell me that now. In all honesty I think I'm just tired Remus. Emotionally I mean. Some things just seem so… insignificant nowadays. I'm focussing on what really matters: friends, family and getting by one day at a time. Now come, maybe you can help me with non-verbals; I suck at them." Harry ended light-heartedly. Remus smiled and nodded all too willingly.

And so began an impromptu lesson, Remus easily slipped back into his role as instructor, it brought back memories of third year defence classes and it eased the tension their little heart to heart had caused. Remus started by placing a candle in the middle of the coffee table and proceeded to matter of factly light it both wordlessly and wandlessly. Harry grinned, having seen him do this before. After extinguishing it in the way it was now Harry's turn to repeat the process, the only difference being he got to keep his wand. After more than a few failed attempts Remus patted him reassuringly on the shoulder.

"Don't worry; non verbals are hard, they're not meant to be easy. What you need to do is picture what you want to happen, imagine it happening. Then say the incantation clearly in your mind, focussing your gaze on the object. Almost be stubborn about it, force it to do what you want." At this Harry had a renew determination and stared at the candle once again. He thought of what it would look like alight, smelt the smoke, felt the subtle warmth. Pointing his wand he kept that image in his mind before thinking the correct incantation, almost screaming it in his mind.

_Incendio!_

Instantly the candle flared up in a brilliance of yellow and orange. The flame danced merrily and Harry beamed at his success.

"Perfect, Harry, well done! If I was still your professor I would have given you 10 points." Remus announced, a hint of pride making its way into the praise. Then the former professor made Harry groan with the next sentence:

"Now do it about 10 more times and we'll change spell." At the groan Remus winked and Harry dutifully repeated the process, getting the hang of it. Before both of them knew it, it was time for lunch and Harry had officially learnt accio, incendio, lumos and wingardium leviosa wordlessly and was successful 95% in his attempts. Upon hearing Harry's stomach growl Remus called the lessons to an end and promised to keep in touch.

Remus stood by the fireplace when he turned to Harry and spoke for the final time that day.

"Thanks for everything Harry. Keep practicing and take care of yourself." He grabbed a fistful of floo powder and stepped into the grate.

"You too Remus" was all Harry replied. With that the last Marauder disappeared in a flash of green.

With nothing else to do Harry headed down for lunch in the great hall, suddenly feeling his hunger anew. Tucking in heartily he almost missed Hedwig swoop in dropping in, leaving a note, missing Harry's plate by mere millimetres. He snatched the message: wasn't he just all popular lately…

Potter,

Snape's classroom after lunch. Be there.

The lack of a recipient's name didn't deter Harry; he knew who it was from: Draco.

Harry suddenly lost his appetite and sat for a moment, taking it in. Was this a yes to the lessons? Or did he want to gloat and insult him a bit before declining? What was Draco thinking?

Figuring there was only one way to find out Harry swung his legs around to get up and headed down to the classroom that always managed to instil some measure of fear in him. Draco Malfoy what do you have planned now?


	9. Chapter 9

Harry arrived at the classroom to find it empty. He trudged in anyway, sitting on a desk backwards, staring at the door to await Malfoy's arrival. He was quite early so after five minutes of waiting Harry found another candle, placed it on the desk in front of him and continued practicing his non-verbal incendio. So engrossed was he that he jumped when Draco's voice came from the doorway.

"Eager are we, Potter?" Immediately Harry snapped his eyes to where he saw Draco, leaning against the doorframe, arms folded. Behind him stood Snape, who stood in his trademark pose of arms folded into his robes. Both men together looked admittedly daunting and Harry gulped before grabbing the candle, blowing it out and then casting a non-verbal (maybe out of a desire to impress them, who knows) wingardium leviosa and guided the candle back to where he found it. He then looked back to the two slytherins. He simply waited before Draco pushed himself away from the door in a fluid motion and walked up to Harry, sitting himself on the desk Harry had just removed the candle from. Both stared at each other momentarily, gaging eachother as to their mood. Harry notice Malfoy didn't look angry exactly, more of a look of acceptance. Eventually it was he who spoke first.

"So Professor Snape comes to me this morning Potter with a very intriguing offer, do you know what this is about?" Harry replied quietly, as if speaking too loud would set Malfoy off on one of his famous rants. Out of the corner of his eye he briefly noted Snape heading to his desk, well within earshot.

"Yes, the offer still stands. Yet before you make a decision I should tell you some things first." Taking a deep breath Harry continued, "I'm sorry for cursing you before. It was foolish I know. You may never forgive me for it and too be honest that would be fine. I cast a spell I had no clue about and well, I was an idiot that day. What makes it worse was you were clearly in need, I should have just called one of your friends or even professor Snape to check on you. Even left you alone but no I made it worse. So… my apologies. You can decide to accept it or not. Now regarding these… err… meetings. If you agree to them, I would only be here to teach you, Professor Snape will be here at all times, and he'll act like in any normal lesson so yes detentions and deducting points are still perfectly fine. I will not mention anything that is not related to casting a patronus while we're here and well… like I've tried to tell you, I want to help. A patronus is a very useful spell." Harry trailed off not knowing what else to say. He chanced a glance at the boy before him to see if he could see what he was feeling. Malfoy was lent back a bit, arms behind him on the desk. His face one of contemplation. The expression looked somewhat odd on Draco's face; Harry had never taken Malfoy to be a person of thought. He seemed to just… act instinctively. Cleary he was wrong.

"Your apologies are most… touching Potter" He sneered after a while. "But the sentiment was undoubtedly fine. Yet do not think for a second I forgive you, I do not. I do however accept the apology. The curse you cast could have killed me; nothing can make me forgive you. In fact I think you are quite lucky I turned up today at all and didn't hex you the first chance I got out of the hospital wing." A brief pause, "Yet Professor Snape was most, shall we say, persuasive. So I accept your little lessons, although I expect nothing to come of them. Oh but a warning now Potter, I reserve the right to leave this room at any time and never come back. Just because I am here do not get your hopes up or any such nonsense about some idiotic friendship between us. In short Potter, don't piss me off." Rather than say something to irritate Draco, Harry simply nodded. He watched the Malfoy heir's face twist into a brief look of smugness before the all too familiar mask that plagued both Draco and Snape snapped on. Maybe he learnt it from Snape himself…

"Well hurry along then Potter, I don't have all day here."

"R...right" Harry muttered, stuttering slightly in his wish to get the word out quickly, "So you know the basics of a patronus. Ermm, you're also already halfway there with being able to cast a non-corporeal patronus. It took me quite a few tries to get to the corporeal one and unfortunately some never master the spell at all. I… I think you can though." Draco raised his eyebrows at the beginning of Harry's attempt at teaching but didn't say anything just yet, merely eyed him with a calm expression. Pushing past his nerves Harry continued a little more confidently, he slid off the desk and paced a little.

"So I've been thinking about what you might be having trouble with regarding casting the patronus charm and as you can already produce the non-corporeal version it leads me to the conclusion, and forgive me if I'm wrong here, but the memory you have chosen is not strong enough. So maybe trying a different one would help. Think of the happiest moment you know of. The most joy you've ever felt." At this Draco nodded, jumped of the desk, pulled out his wand, visibly breathed and then muttered the all too familiar incantation. Silver mist once again spurted out of Draco's wand. He disconnected immediately, glaring at Harry.

"Keep trying; keep changing memories after a while if it doesn't work. Eventually you'll find something." Harry assured.

Quarter of an hour later Draco was still no closer to achieving his goal and Harry noticed each time he got more and more irate. After another failed attempt Draco muttered to Harry.

"I don't think this amazing plan of yours is working Potter." Harry simply gazed at the boy for a while, thinking. Harry had a theory but wasn't quite sure how to go about explaining it. It was a sensitive issue and he knew how easy Draco was to anger. It was a few more seconds before he vocalised his thoughts, weighing each word very carefully. As he spoke images of finding Draco in the bathroom, broken mirror scattered on the floor, tears pouring down his face, played in his mind.

"Casting a patronus is hard Draco. It… It requires, though some do not realise it, great control of your emotions." He cast a look at Snape at that before turning back to Draco. "Many never master a patronus because they have true… horrors in their life. This could be a temporary thing If, for example, they're having a bad period in their life. Or… it can be permanent. Grief for example. What I'm trying to say is… could this be the cause?" Draco's nostrils flared for a second before Snape's voice bounded towards him.

"Watch it, Mister Potter."

"I don't mean to pry. But let me tell you something, if this is the cause, there's only so far I can help." Harry finished meekly, trying to show that he wasn't trying insult the fellow student. Draco stood frozen the entire time. Harry watched emotion after emotion play on his face and then in a moment of anger he kicked a desk, letting out a scream. He turned to Harry, fists clenched.

"You. Know. Nothing." He seethed. Something made itself known however to Harry. This anger wasn't directed at him. Awkwardly Harry stood there, unsure how to proceed, how to move forward.

Snape was now staring at the two beadily, ready to step in should it escalate. Harry realised he needed to somehow calm and regain some trust from Draco, if they were to carry on. Maybe that was why he said what he did next.

"I lost my patronus once… after 5th year. For a while I lost it. It only came back when I accepted a few things about myself and dealt with a few things. I was in a very dark place; felt there was no way out. I felt trapped. From your outburst I take it you are dealing with something to. I've known for a while but relax; I've told no one. But let me say this: talk to someone. Your patronus will materialise when it's ready to Draco. For now however… you have a bit of thinking to do." With that Harry made a move to leave and he was almost at the door when Draco called after him.

"Wait!" Harry turned slowly to Draco hesitantly walking towards him.

"Why did you tell me that, about your patronus I mean" Harry regarded the boy silently, thinking about his answer at the same time. Noticing the boy was genuinely curious Harry relented.

"I do not know" he admitted, "maybe because I saw myself in you a little." Harry walked back into the classroom, taking a seat in one of the chairs there before speaking again.

"I am not your enemy Draco. We got off on the wrong foot in our first year and it's clouded our judgement ever since. You were raised in a haze of pure blood mania and forced need to constantly better yourself. We've both done some very stupid stuff. I say it's time to grow up now, we've had our fun. This is beyond both of us now. We are both pawns in the games of the opposite side of this war. You were marked from the day you were born to follow in your father's footsteps. I was marked to be the one to fight Voldemort. I'll let you in on a secret; I don't like being used to do other people's dirty work. I'll do what I have to because I know it's right. You just need to decide what side you're on." Draco at this didn't lash out, didn't storm out the room. No instead he simply grabbed a seat nearby, sinking into it.

"My side has already been chosen for me Potter. I cannot change it." With that he slowly rolled up his left hand sleeve, revealing an all too familiar skull, a snake weaving its way out of its mouth. Snape was suddenly there, roughly pulling the sleeve back down.

"You fool boy! Why don't you show the entire SCHOOL next time!" When Draco didn't reply, simply stared at his shoes, Harry felt he needed to reply for him.

"It's fine, Sir, I won't tell anyone as usual. I kind of owe you one Draco." He then stared straight at Snape, "Sir, is… is there something you can do?"

"Draco has made his choice. Only now is he realising the consequences." His voice sounded almost apologetic.

"Oh no, sir, his choice as I explained was made not by him. He can however choose to break free from it and make his own choices. I don't think he's there yet though, but maybe in time. Do what you have to do Draco but I… I offer you a… truce of sorts. I won't get involved in any more of your business; I can't help you with it anyway, if you will quit the snarky comments and general hatred for me. Do we have a deal?" Harry offered his hand for a shake, Draco looked up, doing some very fast thinking before taking the hand into his own and giving it a brief shake.

"Deal" Draco vowed, "Now if you don't mind, I must go." When no one stopped him the blond haired Slytherin departed swiftly, perhaps a little too swiftly. With that Snape and Harry were left alone. Neither knew what to say or do. Eventually Harry cut through the silence with a bit of humour.

"Well, only talking about casting a patronus my backside huh?" Snape snorted before muttering "I'll say". Harry once again found himself deep in thought all too quickly. Today really was turning out to be an interesting one.

"Professor… I need something from you. I am not sure however you can give it to me." At this Snape shut the door before walking back over.

"Go on" was all he said.

"I need proof sir. Proof you are on the side of the light." At this Snape's eyes glittered dangerously before he calmly said:

"You are right, I cannot give you this information. Not because I do not want to, but because I cannot do so, it would be far too dangerous. Now potter, leave. I've had enough antics for one day." With the dismissal Harry couldn't press the matter further so reluctantly he took off for the door and exited.

That night was his first night without dreamless sleep and no matter how hard he tried to calm himself and empty his mind of all thoughts, locking them away even, it couldn't help him against the barrage of nightmares that plagued him that night.

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Hey guys so here's a new chapter. I'm not sure about this one to be honest. I like it but i'm not so sure about it :D Do let me know guys. Take care and please review as always!


	10. Chapter 10

Hey guys, sorry it's taken a while to update this: the reason is two of my pets have recently passed away and so I needed some time to myself. I'm also looking for a job right now which is taking up a lot of my time!

So without further ado please do enjoy!

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A few days later after Malfoy's 'lesson' Harry got up the courage to speak to Snape on behalf of Remus. It was after an Occlumency lesson, which had gone well, Harry was now up to 5 minutes before he would lose control. Snape said it would be a long process, gradually building up a tolerance to having his mind invaded. He was lingering by the door, preparing to leave when he remembered his conversation with the werewolf and thought now was as good a time as any to attempt negotiations.

"Sir? I…I wanted to talk to you about something." Snape, who was stood searching for a book from his bookshelf, turned to meet Harry's gaze.

"About what?" He enquired monotonously, returning back to finding whatever book he was looking for.

"Ermm, well… you're not going to like it much I don't think. Please… can we sit and talk?" Harry shifted nervously from foot to foot as he waiting for the reply.

"Mister Potter, telling me you need to talk to me and then proceeding to inform me I will not like what you have to say is hardly the way to go about endearing me to listen to you." Snape said sarcastically, yet he relented, sitting behind his desk with a practiced motion.

"Sir…I…I wanted to enquire about the Wolfsbane potion you were required to make for Remus in third year." Harry notice Snape's jaw lock as if he was trying his upmost to refrain from uttering something derogatory.

"What about it?" The man pushed out in a levelled tone. Harry sighed, debating where to go from here. Truthfully he'd expected to be thrown out the moment he'd mentioned Wolfsbane. Harry reluctantly settled on telling the truth.

"Remus needs it. His life is miserable without it. I know you don't care much for him Sir, I understand that but I can't stand watching him suffer. He's petrified of what he could do at the full moon without wolfsbane. I heard you once make fun of his clothing. Did you know he fights for every meal he gets and every scrap of clothing? That's no way to live, and it's not his fault. The night he almost attacked you was not his fault, it wasn't planned by him. Hell his own boggart is the full moon, what more evidence would you require to show he hates his lycanthropy. I'm asking you Sir, if you may find it in yourself to once again brew it for him. If not for him then for the order; he's a vital part of it and we can't have him injured or otherwise incapacitated." Harry quickly silenced himself, realising he was babbling. He settled on just staring at the ground, the stones that were there were varying shades of grey.

"Such a heart-breaking story Potter, I'm sure. Yet even if I wanted to make the mutt's potion for him, it would take up copious amounts of my time and the ingredients for wolfsbane are expensive and I am not about to take money out of the school's budget or my own funds." Harry could reluctantly understand so a little grudgingly muttered:

"I would pay you of course." Harry was not annoyed he had to pay for Remus, heavens no, he was angry at the situation that wolfsbane was so out of reach for the common person to afford. Remus had admitted that himself.

"Would you now?" Snape muttered, seemingly to himself, while he clasped his fingers together, calculating.

"And what about my time Mister Potter, you cannot remedy the loss of time I would suffer. You couldn't justify me putting the education of young witches and wizards aside to brew a potion that Lupin neither needs nor has bothered to learn to brew for himself."

"You are right, I cannot force you to make it, I am merely requesting you to do so. Yet I have a proposal. I recall that you routinely supply Madame Pomfrey the potions she needs. I could take over some of the easier ones, leaving you more time. It's the best I can do sir." A reply did not leave Snape at once, no, it was several agonising minutes before Harry was graced with an answer.

"If there is anything I have learnt about Gryffindors, Potter, it is that they are annoyingly persistent." He seemed to then mull over his thoughts before voicing them, "Very well, I will do as you ask. But I do hope you don't require much sleep… you have a lot of potions to brew." Harry rolled his eyes at this but at the same times smiled.

"Thank you, sir! Just keep a track of the money you spend on ingredients every month and I will reimburse you." He rushed out before heading back to the door. He noticed it was creeping closer to curfew and after a final dismissal Harry rushed out the door and made it back to the common room with seconds to spare. Sighing in relief Harry trudged up to the dorm to grab a piece of parchment and his quill and ink and then wrote a note to Remus, telling him "operation Wolfsbane was a go" and wishing him well. He settled in for another night, feeling rather accomplished.

Soon the time came for Christmas holiday's to begin. Harry was excited to say the least. A week previously an unfamiliar owl had swooped in at breakfast, releasing a letter. Gazing at the writing he immediately knew who it was from: Remus.

_**Harry,**_

_**Your plan worked! I'm now employed by two rather rambunctious redheads who can't wait to have me on board. I drew the line at testing their new selection of Wizard Wheezes though! I'm also teaching them some useful spells and charms that they would have learnt in Hogwarts if they hadn't left. They would have given the Marauders a run for their money with the pranks they are making by the way; it brings back fond memories. **_

_**At the full moon they give me permission to be off "sick" and I even get paid for it, given the extra tuition I'll give them. This brings me to another topic.**_

_**How in Merlin's name did you persuade Snape to make me Wolfsbane again? Honestly, I'm astounded, but I thank you strongly. As such I wanted to repay the favour in a way…**_

_**Will you join me for Christmas?**_

_**I have a home of my own now and I wanted to show you. It's not much, but it's home. You can stay the entire holiday if you'd like. There's the matter of a full moon during then but we can deal with that fine now.**_

_**Let me know Harry.**_

_**Moony**_

Harry had immediately replied with one word…

YES!

Then came a message via Dumbledore two days later saying to meet Remus at the three broomsticks at 8am in four day's time.

That was how Harry found himself meandering into Hogsmeade on a cold Monday morning, tugging his trunk (full of potions ingredients, a cauldron and many more potions supplies along with his clothes and other necessities) behind him, Hedwig's cage perched alarmingly on top, wobbling at every stone, twig and crack it passed over. He hauled it to the entrance and waited outside, leaning against a wall.

A few minutes later a very familiar face came into view, his expression a wide smile. Harry smiled back.

"Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes." He said, still grinning wildly. This caused Remus to laugh aloud, coming closer to place his hand comfortingly on Harry's shoulder.

"Come, I have much to show you." Harry nodded and was about to reclaim his trunk and cage when Lupin halted him, pointing his wand at it. Seconds later they shrunk and Harry easily slipped them into his pocket.

They took off walking further down the road as they talked.

"So how have you been Remus?" Harry asked, as was customary to start most conversations.

"Better Harry, much better thank you." Lupin automatically replied cheerfully, hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Great to hear and how's work going?"

"It's good, Fred and George remind me so much of the Marauders when we were younger, I almost feel young again, hearing them whizzing around on the shop floor. I have my own office. They put a sign on my door rather cheekily saying: If you require assistance please howl." Remus informed, shaking his head at remembering causing Harry to snicker.

Soon they made their way to an alley out of the way from prying eyes and from there Harry took hold of Remus' arm and he soon felt the familiar tug that signalled disapparition.

They appeared instantaneously again and Harry looked around warily. Snow littered the ground largely undisturbed in a thick blanket. Glistening in the morning sun it sparkled, alive. The pair set of, imparting footprints behind them. Walking down a street a sign glittered proudly.

Godric's Hollow.

Dread and Excitement coursed through Harry's veins. He didn't want to be here… yet at the same time, he longed for it. This was where his parents had lived; this was where his first home laid. This was where everything started. Harry paused. He gazed transfixed on the sign, a line of snow covered the top of it, shimmering. His concentration only broke when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Why move here Remus?" Harry couldn't help but enquire. His voice came out a whisper, as if he was scared speaking louder would disrupt something.

"I need to live in a town like this, Harry. If I lived in a muggle town I would have to leave soon after arriving, just like before; I need to magic a lot you know." Harry wanted desperately to protest, to make a comeback but he didn't have it in him. Instead he shock himself, turned away from the sign and carried on walking slowly, hoping Remus got the unspoken message.

"I know this may be hard for you Harry, believe me, it took some guts for me to gather the courage to return here. You'll be fine. Your parents are at peace in a grave yard in that direction," Remus pointed to his right with a slightly shaking finger. "I live as far away as possible, but we can visit them any time you wish." At this Harry said nothing, just gave a weak nod, before walking a bit faster. Catching up Remus directed Harry left down a final road and soon they stood outside a small house, identical to those next to it. Steps led up to the front door, which was a dark brown wood, and wrapped around the railings was garishly coloured tinsel. Harry despite himself grinned.

"In the festive mood by any chance, Remus?" He mused, causing the man next to him to chuckle lightly.

"Of course, welcome Harry, I hope you have a great Christmas here." The werewolf announced before stepping up, tapping the door with his wand. A satisfying click sounded and the door swung open gently. Harry stepped up himself and shuffled into the warmth…

_One thing's for certain, this is going to be a rather weird Christmas!_ He mused to himself.


	11. Chapter 11

Here you go lovely readers! Chapter 11!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you all :)

To those who do not celebrate, then Happy Holidays!

Now gimme a lovely Christmas present and review? ;)

* * *

Remus' new house turned out to be rather pleasant. It was neither over fancy nor plain. A corridor led into several rooms, as dictates many houses. To the left stood the Kitchen, on the right a dining room. Both rooms were painted cream; a dark mahogany skirting board gave the rooms a rich, vibrant feel. One wall of the kitchen (which housed the oven and other major appliances) was decorated with white tiles. Every so often Harry would catch a glimpse of creatures flitting from within the tiles, jumping from tile to tile. It reminded him alarmingly of Umbridge and her obsession with collecting those decorative cat plates, yet this was more tastefully done.

Further down the main corridor on the left was a study/library and on the right the living room. This was Harry's favourite room; the entire room was in shades of red and earthy browns. A fire stood blazing on the far wall, casting a warm glow onto the wooden flooring and onto the piano which stood boldly in the left hand corner. The walls were a rich burgundy, giving the impression of royalty. A sofa faced the fire, a coffee table between them, it gave an inviting air and Harry immediately slumped into the sofa the first chance he got after arriving.

The corridor carried on to a set of stairs, a cupboard under them led down into a basement, which Harry set up as his personal brewing lab for the duration of his stay. It reminded him grimly of the dungeons of Hogwarts , the walls and floor being of stone, but unlike in Hogwarts it was warm, as a small fire was in place on the left wall.

The first two days of his stay Harry found himself down in this basement brewing potions a lot more than he cared to be and apologised several times for it to Remus but the old defence professor simply smiled every time and repeated pretty much the same line again and again:

"Don't apologise, I couldn't thank you enough for what you're doing."

Harry just smiled apologetically and carried on.

The third day Harry had decided it was enough and he would not step foot in that room again for that day. Instead that morning he travelled downstairs, freshly dressed and washed, planning to have a generous helping of bacon, possibly with sausage and of course with toast. When he pushed open the door however his appetite was thoroughly lost. Snape sat at the table, eyeing the room with distain, Remus sat opposite him, looking every bit ill at ease.

"Ermm… good morning Remus…good morning Professor." Harry said, adding on the last part despite his better judgement.

"Morning Harry, how'd you sleep?" Remus asked, gesturing to sit next to him. Taking a seat Harry replied,

"Well thanks."

"Good, good." Harry could feel the atmosphere growing ever more awkward so deciding to confront the giant proverbial polka dotted elephant in the room he addressed Snape.

"Professor, I assume you're here to see me? Give me a second please; I have some things for you." Snape merely inclined his head before Harry went back upstairs to his room, retrieving the box full of potions he'd spent all of the last two days making. Once back in the kitchen he placed them cautiously on the table, retaking his seat.

"Here." All Harry got in the way of a reply was a nod. Snape then shrunk the box and it disappeared into his robes. He then seemed to rummage around before withdrawing a goblet; It smoked with a familiar blue colour: wolfsbane. Wordlessly he placed it before Remus, who stared at him with a look of absolute shock.

"You…" He cleared his throat, "You actually made it?" His tone was one of incredulity.

"Of course. I keep my promises. Potter and I struck a deal, I honoured it. Drink up, Lupin." He remarked flatly., before pulling out a piece of parchment from inside his travelling cloak. It landed in front of Harry seconds later and he took it, unfolded it and gazed it over. It was a tally of the potions ingredients along with the price. Looking at the grand total Harry sighed. Why was this so out of pocket for the average Wizard? His dad was pureblood, all that wealth got passed to Harry; of course he could afford this. But someone like Lupin? Never in a million years. Harry trudged up to his room for the second time, retrieving his wand. Much like he'd done the other week for Lupin he flicked his wand and all of a sudden appeared a wizard chequebook. He signed the right amount needed and headed back downstairs.

Without too much drama he passed it over to Snape who merely put it inside his robes. It was all very… business-like. Deeming his duty for today done Harry got up, heading to the fridge, noticing Lupin still stared between the two of them, the potion still left untouched.

"The professor is right Remus. Drink. You need it." Even though his back was now to him, Harry could tell Snape was smirking at the great boy who lived agreeing with him… for once. Deeming nothing worthy in the fridge Harry moved to the breadbin, plucking out two slices, shoving them in the toaster, forgoing the bacon and sausage today. When that was done he sat chewing thoughtfully on it, briefly noticing Remus had finally drunk the potion.

"I want to visit my parent's today." Harry finally announced after finishing the last bite. Snape raised an eyebrow, Remus looked worried.

"Are you… sure, Harry?" Remus asked tentatively. Harry just nodded stiffly as an answer.

"I need directions." He finally admitted. Five minutes later Harry had remembered the directions Remus had supplied and he stepped out the door, tugging on a coat.

The beauty of Godric's Hollow astounded Harry. He walked the streets, taking in every crack, every stone, every sign, every building. He passed a small bakery, a wedding cake in the window, a bride and groom on top dancing together slowly before the groom twirled the bride around, pulling in for a kiss. Harry couldn't help but smile. Carrying on he passed a Quidditch shop, an apothecary and… a church. He was close.

There it was, nestled to the side of the Church, in all Its morbid glory. Harry walked up to the Iron Gate, staring in. Perfect rows of headstones littered the ground, pathways winding in several directions. Reluctantly Harry pushed the gate open, stepping in. The gate shut closed behind him, echoing in the morning air. Gulping he moved his way slowly around each and every headstone, taking in the names. Marie Jane Turner, born 1st June 1967, died 25th September 1968… she was only one year old. John and Yasmin O'Neale... died 4th February 1990. They died together. Fighting the lump in his throat Harry carried on.

It didn't take long to find what he'd come for. There, peacefully next to a tree was one large white marble headstone. Clearly written on it: James and Lily Potter, The last enemy to be destroyed is death. Bitterly Harry thought "what does that even mean". He knelt down, reached out, touching the names reverently, feeling the indentations left there. Harry for once in that moment thought about his own mortality. What if he didn't make it through this? What if Voldemort DID win once again? Oh sure the world thought he'd failed last time, he'd been destroyed but to Harry, no. He'd succeeded in taking the one thing from Harry that he'd needed. Parents. If Harry died this time around, he wouldn't fear death. He had people waiting for him there. He would lay right next to his parents, right here, resting silently… and he wouldn't mind one bit. No, death held no sway for the boy who lived for he wasn't that. He was the boy who should have died. In theory he should have been buried right in that spot, his name elegantly carved underneath his parents'.

Before Harry knew it tears were falling, dripping onto the ground by his feet. Still kneeling he took out his wand, pointing it at the stone.

"Scourgify." The stone cleaned immediately, turning several shades whiter. The dirt vanished and the engravings on the stone seemed impossibly clearer.

"Potter…" Harry didn't turn towards the voice, just stared ahead at the grave, wiping his eyes shakily. He didn't even ask why Snape was here of all people instead he just sighed.

"You know, I never really grasped the fact of what happened in the first war, the consequences. This just makes it all very real." He whispered bitterly. Snape didn't reply right away, he stared at the boy before him, taking him in.

"Everyone lost something that Halloween Potter, both sides." Harry smiled sadly, before asking:

"What did you lose, Sir?" The professor's eyes narrowed slightly and Harry thought he heard one whispered word, not meant to be heard.

"Everything"

Stuffing his hands in the pockets of his coat, Harry glanced over to the man briefly.

"I wonder what I would have turned out like, had my parents raised me. I wouldn't have been this, I know that. I would have known love, would have known who I was from the moment I was born. I doubt I would have been so… Gryffindor. I learnt very early on to stand up for myself; no one was going to do it for me. I wasn't born with courage, I learnt it. The best day of my life, Sir? Finding out I was a wizard. My life had purpose from that day on." Harry reasoned before adding, "and WHY am I telling you all this? More ammunition for Slytherin house and all those deatheater children."

"What makes you think I will go blurting everything to the children in Slytherin?" Snape queried, a small smirk on his face.

"Because you are who you are." Harry couldn't help but challenge.

"Potter, even if I wanted to go declaring all of the chosen one's problems to my house, I couldn't. A little thing called Student/Teacher confidentiality. Anything you tell me, I am not allowed to disclosed to other students… they will remain blissfully ignorant I assure you." The Slytherin pointed out in his usual monotone. Harry gave a look to suggest that Snape didn't give a flying hoot about confidentiality before shaking his head, turning back to the grave before him.

"For the record Potter, I'm quite certain you would have remained in Gryffindor, just like your dear Father had he been around to smother you with insufferable tales of his days strutting the castle." Harry smiled at this, having had a similar conversation before with the potions master,

"My dad didn't strut" he repeated the phrase he used back then, this time with no venom in the words, "and maybe you're right" He relented before he picked up on something. "You didn't mention my mother… it takes two to make a child you realise?" he jovially questioned.

"Oh Potter, i'm well aware of the process thank you." Snape said, "Your mother could have cared less about what house you were sorted into. Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Slytherin, Ravenclaw… none of them mattered to her. What would have mattered is that you were healthy, happy and …" The man paused before seemingly reluctantly letting the final word out, "loved".

"Well I'm healthy… I'm happy somewhat, I could be happier… and… I guess I'm loved. Not in the way she would have loved me but still." Harry murmured before finding the whole situation rather uncomfortable. He stooped to remove a vine that had weaved its way up his parent's headstone. It came away after a sharp tug before he reached for another one.

"I should really do something about this…" he muttered.

"Here Potter, allow me." Harry looked over to the man who was stood, pointing his wand at the stone. Harry backed up slightly, giving him room. A flick of Snape's wrist and the vines untangled themselves, another flick and a small chip in the top right hand corner was repaired, a third flick and a single white lily appeared, lying gently beneath the stone.

"Th.. thank you." Harry stammered, "Why a lily?"

"The white lily is a typical symbol of …" The man seemed to sigh, "it glorifies the dead… it's sometimes placed on a convicts grave when they are found innocent. It can also mean "respect" or "I'll never forget you" or… "I'm sorry". It was also your mother's name of course. Some men give a lady a white lily to show their devotion, their respect. They cherish that person above all others." Snape's voice grew distance before he seemed to shake himself, "but for you Potter, it just means quite simply goodbye and rest in peace." Harry knew there was something beyond the words but right now he couldn't bring himself to ask. Instead he just stared at the stone until the words blurred, tears threatening once again to fall.

"That sounds about right" he grudgingly allowed. Before picking up the flower, "Merry Christmas Mum… Dad. Hope you're happy, wherever you are." He placed the flower back down before turning away finally, looking to the professor, "and Merry Christmas Professor."

"Merry Christman Po… Harry." Came the reply. Harry stared at the wizard before him, a wizard who after five and a half years had used his first name. Harry smiled. Before he could say much more Harry began to walk away, not before he heard a whispered,

"Merry Christmas Lily."


	12. Chapter 12

Every day for the next six days Snape would appear on the doorstep, goblet of wolfsbane ready and waiting. He'd hand it over wordlessly, Lupin each time look more and more shocked at what the man was doing. Harry occupied his time either brewing, reading or doing homework. Christmas day had passed, Harry and Remus exchanged presents in the morning and soon after Snape made his morning visit. Harry handed over his latest batch of potions, smirking.

"Merry Christmas" he muttered dryly.

"Just what I wanted Mister Potter" Came the equally dry reply before the man took the offered potions, turned on his heel, and left.

The night of the full moon soon crept up on the two wizards. Harry was sat at the coffee table, writing his Defence essay due in after the holidays. Remus glanced it over, raising his eyebrows.

"This is good, Harry. Your essay technique has improved I must say. I can't lie, you're essays in third year weren't shall we say the best." Remus joked, handing the paper back before glancing at the clock and letting out a sigh.

"I must go now I'm afraid. Don't go in the basement, no matter what okay?" smiling sadly Harry nodded his affirmation before placing his essay aside.

Fifteen minutes later a yelp sounded and Harry suddenly gripped the table harder that he was, gritting his teeth. The yelp turned to a scream, which turned to agonising bellows and then a howl. Then silence…

Letting out a breath Harry couldn't help but feel bad for Remus. Mr Weasley last year wasn't joking when he said that Remus' condition took "it's toll". To suffer that every month… it would make many a person cave, to give in, become either suicidal or a savage.

Relaxing slightly, Harry knew Lupin was now past the worst of it; he would just curl up in the basement, harmless, and fall asleep until the moon waned. Harry mindlessly meandered to the kitchen, grabbing a mug, gathering everything to make a cup of tea. The kettle rattled as Harry pointed his wand at it. He watched the air distort from the rising steam as he filled the mug with sugar and a tea bag.

Harry couldn't help but feel increasingly tired. The potion brewing had taken its toll, not to mention the increasing amount of homework the professors thought would be "appropriate" to give them over the holidays. Harry felt like reminding them that this was in fact a "holiday" and should be treated as such. Just because they now had more time doesn't mean that all they needed to do was sit and contemplate the uses of the aguamenti charm…

Eyes dropping Harry dragged himself into the living room again, tea in hand, deciding to leave homework for tonight. Pulling up a book he thought looked interesting he settled down, the only sound was when he turned a page and the constant metronome of the clock on the wall.

The peace was broken (how many times could Harry say that… he never had a peaceful day in his life!) by a tap on the window. Glancing over he noticed a pure black owl sat patiently, letter attached to one leg. Harry scurried over, taking the letter gingerly, thanking the owl as he went. Expecting it to be for Remus he was rather surprised however when there in a curiously familiar handwriting was his name… or more precisely just the word: Potter.

There was only one person who called him that…

Why was Malfoy writing to him?

Struggling to comprehend he took the next course of action: opening it.

**Potter,**

**Why I am writing I'll never know and if my father ever saw this…**

**I've been thinking (yeah yeah save the snarky comments Potter) and I decided I need to clarify some points or whatever about our last… meeting.**

**First I will remind you: ever mention about the … tattoo I have I will not hesitate to… well I'll leave that threat open to your interpretation, shall I? **

**Regretfully however I must agree with you on a few things you said. You're right, I am going through some stuff right now, I am dealing with it and no one can help me. Not even Severus, so don't involve him. **

**My father has now deemed it wise I learn, wait for it, the Patronus charm, due to a certain person we all know and love having a few dementors nearby for… recreational purposes. Dementors, as the old goat Dumbledore said, do not distinguish between enemy and friend, and someone needs to know how to handle them…**

**Why I have to have the job I'll never know. Just because no one else can…**

***sigh***

**So Potter, it seems I am in need of your assistance again…**

**I've been working on it, and am making a bit of progress but my father is getting, irritated at best. I can't hold him off for much longer.**

**Do not take this as whining, I am merely using my assets. You know how to do a Patronus… you can teach me. **

**I am not happy with this arrangement but there it is. Will you help?**

**D Malfoy. **

**PS, use code, my letters can be intercepted you know.**

Harry placed the letter down slowly, as if waiting for the punch line. What is going on with that boy? Harry could spend all day talking about the Malfoy family and how they were all a piece of scum but Draco…

He must be in some serious need if he came to Harry of all people for help. Grabbing a piece of parchment and quill Harry diligently set about his reply.

**Malfoy,**

**I have a few questions I want answered Malfoy, do me the courtesy of some honesty here okay?**

**Why not ask the Potions Master for help with your problem. He can also help no?**

**What's changed since last time? The last time I helped with your homework it didn't go so well.**

**Why can I trust you?**

**Right now that's done. I await your answers. Those will determine my own answer.**

Not knowing what to sign it Harry simply left it blank, knowing Draco would work out who it was from within two seconds. He reread it over, making sure it was vague enough to pass muster in case it was intercepted, as Draco had warned it may. To anyone reading it Malfoy needed help with homework… well in a way he did. Except this homework determined life or death…

"Jesus what has that boy gotten himself into." Harry uttered before folding the paper and slipping it to the owl.

"Give this straight to Draco Malfoy, not to the house elves or anyone else, understand?" He clarified with the bird. It gave a soft hoot and ducked it's head before taking off. Seeing it disappear Harry swept a hand through his messy hair, letting out a sigh.

Harry got his reply at 4am the next morning. Awoken by an insistent tap tap tap on the window Harry groaned before walking on tired feet over to the window, snatching the letter, allowing the bird inside, giving it an owl treat. Then at Hedwig's insistence giving her one too.

**Potter,**

**Good idea to send Midnight (the owl) straight to me. I didn't know if he'd listen to you.**

**Okay let's answer the questions you so cleverly disguised.**

**Severus cannot help me, he will not say why, but I'm sure his reasons, as ever, are sound.**

**I… I found a happy memory. That's what's happened. Oh Merlin, why am I doing this… I found love, okay? **

**Trust? Trust no one Potter. Those you love can sometimes be the ones to cause you the biggest betrayal. But fine if you want this illusion… I am putting my life on the line here. Not by my own choice either. Shouldn't that count for a little 'trust'?**

**Leave the bird with you for tonight if you can, it needs rest. Keep it away from that ruddy owl of yours too please. *shudder***

**D Malfoy.**

Sighing, frowning and raising eyebrows in certain places by the time Harry was done reading he felt even more confused than before. What was Malfoy's angle here?

Sorting through the thoughts swarming in his head he dug out Hedwig's spare cage and opened it, placing some food in, hoping the bird, Midnight, would get inside.

Giving it a distasteful look for a few seconds the bird seemed to grudgingly settle inside, picking at the food there. Rustling it's feathers it settled down, wrapping it's wings around itself, seemingly planning to sleep and ignore the strange wizard before him.

Harry glanced it over, rolling his eyes before settling back into bed, closing off his mind, willing time to pass.

* * *

Hey guys, so Happy New Year to you all! Hope you enjoyed this chapter a new one should be out in the not too distant future :)


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